MFA Mama

a word on the Twitter

   As some of you have noticed, I have locked my Twitter account. Not to worry, this isn't because of anything Stalky-related or having to do with custody. Someone who knows me offline just seems to be a little too interested in monitoring the seemliness of my online life, and as those of y'all who already follow me on the Twitter know I am NOT A LADY on there. All of the stuff that's too racy for the blog and my vilest, most spontaneous profanity born of check-engine lights and stubbed toes goes on the Twitter, and I didn't want to have to change the whole way I use the platform just because one person who I didn't even marry or give birth to thinks it's shameful and wants to make an issue of it. I also kind of like the idea of having a place (besides the facespace, which I reserve for people I either know in "real life" or have known online for ages and ages) where I can interact with Blogland without fear of Stalky or my ex's unfriendly eyeballs, so I may leave the Twitter locked pretty much indefinitely, but here is the thing: if you want to follow me on there, and have been on the Twitter for more than a week and aren't trying to sell me herbal remedies to lengthen my penis or a barely-legal Russian bride all you have to do is send a follow-request. I don't have to know you from way back or anything. There's nothing terribly scandalous that I'm saving for on there, it's just more of the same "hey look at this thing on my dog's leg, do you think it's cancer" and "Crap, I forgot to pack a lunch today" I've always put up on there (plus retweeted dick jokes; you can NEVER have enough dick jokes AMIRITE?), but over 800 people seem to like reading that and if you want to join them it's cool. Thanks, y'all.

the one where I get MRSA but feel pretty damned lucky anyway

   Last night my right fuck-you finger started hurting; it felt like maybe I had a splinter but the skin was intact, there was no redness or anything, and even checking it out with a bright light and the iPhone's zoom (which is damn-near as good as a microscope) showed nothing so I shrugged it off and went to bed. This morning I woke feeling rested, albeit extraordinarily achy, and for the first time in ages my teeth didn't hurt (I squeezed in a trip to the dentist before the fair and he fixed my nightguard, which hadn't wanted to play well with the new front tooth). My co-workers were happy to see me and said they'd missed me on my day off (seriously LOVE those people!), and I was fully prepared to call today a good day except that my finger now felt like I'd burned it. Around nine in the morning I posted the following photo and caption on the facespace:

Okay Dr. Facebook, let's play "Spider Bite or Burgeoning MRSA," the home game! Sudden onset yesterday, stupidly painful, no visible break in the skin, hot to the touch: go!

   My friends had variously helpful things to say, and it was kind of funny in that the people who only know me offline (yeah, I'm not "out" as a blogger on the facespace) were all "what is MRSA? Why would it be MRSA? Don't be a pessimist!" and the people who have known me online for years were all "it's MRSA cellulitis, go to the doctor, do not pass GO, do not collect $200." I was disinclined to do that, because I am currently making a REDONKULOUS sum per hour and while it hurt quite a bit, on a scale of 1-10 where 1 is a papercut and 10 is a gallstone I would only have given it a 4-5 at that point. 

   A couple of hours later it started swelling:

Oh goody, it's getting bigger!

   I still wouldn't have rated the pain as greater than five, although it was sobering when one facespace friend cut and pasted the symptoms of cellulitis per the NIH and I had all of them except for fever (which I pointed out, upon which said friend provided anecdotal experience wherein a family member of hers had cellulitis withOUT the fever). People started trying to reason with me all sneaky-like, as in "oh just go to the doctor, it might not be MRSA!" I pointed out that while the rule on House is "it's never Lupus," the rule of MFA Mama is "it's always MRSA," but at that point I was still hoping it was a spider bite. Dr. Anon flat-out stated that unless I was allergic to spider venom she really thought I ought to seek medical attention. I am allergic to spider venom, though, so I continued to hold out hope this would be nothing requiring antibiotics but compromised with my friends list: I would draw a line around the margins of the thing and if it crossed it by four o'clock I'd leave early and go to Urgent Care in time to get a script filled.

   Shortly after that, the finger started to itch a bit and I happily declared it to be a spider bite after all and left work at the usual time, stopped at Target to get a pair of dice and a bag of Smarties, both of which various MFA Children needed for homework assignments (the hell?), came home and ate dinner with the family (they'd already eaten since I work 7-7, but they all sat with me bickering for my undivided attention anyway), and then went and took a shower.

   Something about the hot water seemed to aggravate things, because the finger then increased in size by another 20% or so and turned black in the center, with some other SLIGHTLY less-alarming colors in various other spots, none of which were the color a finger ought to be. 

   Hotter took one look and pointed sternly at the door saying "GO!" and I realized I was being an asshole about it and went.

   At Urgent Care the doctor poked and pressed on my poor sad finger, looked at it up close with bright lights, and had me move it in various ways, then pronounced it to DEFINITELY be infected with "what looks to me exactly like MRSA, although with your history of MRSA septicemia after an aggressive culture you couldn't pay me to lance that thing, so we're just going to assume the worst and treat you for MRSA."

   Ugh. Also? How sad is it when the local Urgent Care doc knows your medical history?

    

    So I went and filled my five (yes, FIVE antibiotics, antifungals for after the antibiotics, antiemetics to keep the antibiotics down, and something for pain since at this point that was creeping up the scale toward a six) prescriptions at the all-night pharmacy and headed home, but you know what?

   I feel really freaking fortunate. Don't get me wrong, cellulitis sucks and MRSA scares the pants off me, but all day long I was enveloped with the concern of friends and coworkers and lovingly nagged as needed by various parties to do what I needed to do about the situation, I went home to a husband who was concerned and didn't complain about doing the bedtime routine alone so I could get to Urgent Care before they closed, I got prompt and compassionate medical care, and then I didn't have to prioritize which prescriptions to fill based on cost and necessity but just sighed ruefully and filled them all. Coming from a place where I didn't have any of the above just a few short years ago (and where as recently as last month the money part would have been harrowing at best) I feel like one lucky person, black finger and all.

   Although I still reserve the right to bitch and whine if the finger falls off or even if I just spike a temp and end up needing IV drugs :)

   How are all of YOU?

a new tooth, a new favorite website, and the prettiest sex toy you ever did see

*   Today I was off from work so that I could to the dentist:

Figure One: This is as close to a full face-shot of me as this blog will ever get. 

   The fiasco of That Tooth is finally over. The new crown looks great! My gums, however, do not look so great after the manhandling, so in lieu of a current picture of my front teeth just picture two perfectly ordinary front teeth like you'd expect to see if someone smiled. I couldn't be more pleased with the end result. Thanks again, Brighter!

*   This is my new favorite website. Hahahahaha!

*   I won a caption contest over at Toy With Me recently, and my prize arrived today:

Figure Two: Isn't it gorgeous? It came with a brooch. I don't usually wear brooches, but I may have to start! I haven't used the prize for its' intended purpose yet; I'm too busy admiring it. Thanks, Toy WIth Me!

*   Eyes aside, I am one very lucky girl. How are all of YOU?

I knew my ears were burning for a reason!

   Psst. Look. Remember this? Go and love on my friend Morgan over at The Little Henhouse, a.k.a. THE TOOTH FAIRY :) And then go and love on Brighter.com, and if anyone in your household needs braces, enter their contest where you can win a pair for yourself or a loved one! 

perhaps in retrospect putting the Dalai Lama in "meh" was bad karma

*   After sleeping on it, I decided to take the Dalai Lama out of "meh." His tweets really are full of the awesome, I just miss most of them because Twitter without lists anymore is ridic.

*   Unfortunately I couldn't do that, because our innernet is off. And I can't do anything about that until the XY pays the child support, which he usually does a day or two late anymore.

*   Also I have a wicked stomachache.

*   And today's temp job sucked (not the job itself so much as the location, which was THE VERY COURTROOM where the XY's and my most terrifying legal encounters all took place).

*   Currently I'm borrowing the library's innernet because I had to e-mail some photos from today's job to the client (yes, I know that you're not allowed to take cameras into courtrooms, but I had to for today's job; a deputy escorted me to ensure I didn't do anything nefarious with it).

*   I took the Dalai Lama out of "meh" and put him into "Top Dogs" JUST IN CASE. 

*   The third duck has continued to lay spiral eggs. I think I might try to market them as rare narwhal eggs. THAT would certainly pay the innernet bill!

*   If I'm not already following any of you, which is probably more to do with my not knowing you're on the Twitter (AHEM, Christine) (Lala I stopped following you because you don't tweet but will refollow when my innernet works again), leave me a comment and I'll follow you. I won't even put you in "meh!"

*   Anyone wanna buy a narwhal egg?

he's probably in the other room e-mailing the Dalai Lama to let him know he did his best

Hotter:  What are you doing?
MFA Mama: Sorting my Twitter-people into lists.
Hotter: Are you THAT BORED?
MFA Mama: Eh, it just needed to be done.
Hotter: Why?
MFA Mama: Twitter was getting too crowded since I started entering lots of contests. I was missing tweets from people I cared about and getting too many freaking commercials and coupon offers.
Hotter: So unfollow the spammers.
MFA Mama: I don't have a spreadsheet for end-of-contest dates to tell me when I can stop following them. Plus then there's the problem of people I really SUPER care about getting lost among other people I don't want to follow. So I made a list called "top dogs" to put them in if I only have a minute to check up on my peeps.
Hotter: How many lists do you have?
MFA Mama: Five. Funny is for the ones I want to see. Contests is for ones I'm just following for contests. Top dogs I already explained. Meh is for people who everyone follows so I followed them and then they followed me and now I don't want to offend them by unfollowing, and people who lurve me but I'm just not that into them and I don't want to HURT them by unfollowing. Also people who are kind of depressing who I might not be up to reading just any time. WTF is for people I don't really recognize by their profile or remember why I followed them, but usually I have a reason so I put them in there.
Hotter: Oh. That seems...complicated.
MFA Mama: Yeah like right now? The Dalai Lama.
Hotter: THE DALAI LAMA IS ON TWITTER?
MFA Mama: Yep. It's kind of a tough call, because--
Hotter: That can't really be him.
MFA Mama: It's a verified account.
Hotter: I didn't think they had electricity!
MFA Mama: Well, he at least has a cell phone, because he's on Twitter.
Hotter: AND HE TWEETS IN ENGLISH?
MFA Mama: Yep. He's the Dalai Lama, of course he knows English.
Hotter: I AM DISAPPOINTED IN LIFE.
MFA Mama: If it's any consolation he tweets really profound and thought-provoking stuff. He gets a TON of retweets. Aaaanyway. This is tough, because I like him a lot, but he's just not FUNNY. Sorry Your Holiness, you're going in Meh.
Hotter: YOU CAN'T PUT THE DALAI LAMA IN MEH!
MFA Mama: Dude, I'm not always up for the Dalai Lama. I don't think he's gonna hold it against me. Besides, I'll still read him, just not when I'm feeling shallow.
Hotter:  stomps off  

that can be my next tweet

Figure One: Uncanny, isn't it? Get yours here.

meme a la H

   Hello, lovelies! I didn't forget y'all, I just had a hella long day yesterday starting with waking the whole family at oh-god-hundred and taking them en masse to Transplant Clinic at Local Teaching Hospital (which on the whole? I'm getting better about that; I no longer want to rip my skin off and run screaming down the street to escape that venerable institution and actually credit working there quite a bit with helping to break me of my horror of the place) (that said, it is still Not My Favorite Place) and ending with working past midnight at the Top Secret Job of Legally-Binding Confidentiality And Nondisclosure.

   Also, I still can't tell you about The Greatness, although some of the guesses are amusing the HELL out of me, nor can I sleep. So instead, upon noticing that the wonderful May's husband H wrote on her blog and did a meme (but, bless his cotton socks, forgot to tag anyone) I decided I'd try and encourage him by tagging mySELF. I've done some variation of this one before, I think, but it's fun so here it goes again (I don't like to tag people in case they don't want to be tagged, so if you WANT to do this, then pretend I tagged YOU):

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

No.
Explanations.

Not as easy as you might think…

yourself: multifaceted
your boyfriend/girlfriend (husband, whatever): loving
your hair: long
your mother/stepmother: sinister
your dog: two
your favorite item: laptop
your dream last night: terrifying
your favorite drink: margarita
your dream car: hybrid
the room you are in: bedroom
your fear: loneliness
what you want to be in ten years: comfortable
who you hung out with last night: Isis
what you're not: conformist
muffin: top
one of your wish list items: home
time: ungodly
the last thing you did: snacked
what you are wearing: jammies
your favorite weather: Fall
your favorite book: many
the last thing you ate: cheddar
your life: full
your mood: sleepy
your best friend/s: husband
what are you thinking about right now: classified
your car: decrepit
what are you doing at the moment: blogging
your summer: austere
your relationship status: enviable
what is on your tv: huh?
what is the weather like: bipolar
when is the last time you laughed: always

new HP post

   So I forgot to post on Hopeful Parents yesterday, making me a day late AND $10 short, but the news on Little Child's eating-by-mouth is good and you can read about it here. Which puts things back into perspective :)

new HP post

   So I posted over at Hopeful Parents today, and you can check it out here if you're so inclined.