That's a thing, now, among like some minor celebrities or something. A sex-diet. Absence making the heart grow fonder. From the moment I read about it, I was fascinated, but not so much for the purpose of making anyone's anything any fonder.
I saw it more as a mercy to myself. Sex, (yes I went there, it's your decision to face me at work tomorrow if you keep reading, and you're a perv besides), SEX...has come to feel like nothing more than a tainted fucked-up currency at best and a weapon at worst in the context of my marriage. Either I want it and he denies it and comes up with reasons, or I have reasons why I am upset and then he goes down on his knees and all is good.
I meant it as a period of reassessment: separate my sexuality from HIM for a hot minute and let it be fun again, and let him try a world where he's not such a hot commodity and apologies involve using one's tongue to form *words.* Grow personally and hopefully also as a couple, then bring on December and the D!
Given that I've never actually turned down sex from Hotter, maybe I shouldn't have been surprised it went down more like the offline version of Godwin's Law. He was mad about something and had been seething, so we went outside and he let me have it, aiming above and below the belt and saying whatever seemed most cathartic to him I guess, then his hands went under my shirt, and I was like "yeah, no," and he was all "we can still do this even though we're fighting," and I was calm and ernest but firm in explaining no-penis November, and within five minutes he was DONE!
As in, with me, our marriage, everything that has happened in the past seven years, fuck it.
And fuck me, furthermore.
Except, not literally.
But then, I already knew I wasn't getting laid.
A lot of the conflict involves money, and him wanting to swing his dick around in that arena (as in, weigh in on whether I really get to take a day off when I'm sick, be furious at me if I do, talk about what we should spend and how, and what parts he's ordering for his computer "when I get paid," like his disability check is somehow not part of the household budget), so I broke the bills down for him, and after rent, utilities, and prescriptions, he's got less than a hundred bucks per month. He's already gone from "fuck it I'm not taking care of YOUR KIDS and OUR HOUSE when you don't even WORK FORTY HOURS" to "I'll stay in the stepdad/house husband role in exchange for food."
Currently his bill at the dentist is about 1.5 times his monthly budget for all non-utility non-prescription bills, although when he got the (very necessary) work done he wasn't aware that we'd be separating our fiscal affairs, so maybe I'll let that slide. He does need another round of work, which will cost the same, but I'll let him decide when to schedule that.
Looks like somebody's gonna need to get a job.
I told him I'd give him a ride to the DMV to get his state ID so he can apply for jobs, but after that he's on his own for transportation.
I hear Uber gives you your first ride for free when you download the app.
It's either that or he can pay for half the car insurance, and I'll graciously waive fuel costs and provide taxi service.
Whether this ends in his re-evaluating the decision to be "done" with me and my deciding to take him back or in our separating and divorcing, I think it's a very good and necessary exercise in relationship repair and real-world 101.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have lined up some projects to occupy the time I would ordinarily spend primping, waxing, and wheedling for/arguing about sex, and on the agenda so far are trimming the bushes (not a euphemism), painting the interior of the house, helping a friend get her life together, and sitting on a committee at work that focuses on improving our performance and morale as a team. Onward!