MFA Mama

positive things from today ETA

   In an effort to be less depressing up in this piece, I'm going to start trying to focus on the positive things in life on a daily basis, or some such shit. So here are some good things from today:

1. This cake. I didn't actually get to eat any of it, because GLUTEN, but Big Child was just SO very happy and appreciative, and I love that I have the skills to make or make up any kind of cake my kids want for their birthdays. I also made deep-dish pizza from scratch at Big Child's request, for his "special birthday dinner," and the MFA Children pronounced it to be "better than Domino's, which means it's REALLY good because Domino's is good!"

2. The MFA Honeybees. I keep writing posts about them in my head and then not actually writing them, because I caught some heat for getting the bees due to our being poor. But you know what? The bees are amazing, and are contributing to our household in the form of honey, wax, and pollination of the garden. So Stalky, et al can suck it. They also contribute entertainment (the bees, not Stalky and friends). To wit: the other day it started raining while I was down at Squatter Workshop. I poked my head out the door to see what the bees were doing, and saw a surprising number of them still coming and going. "HUH!" thought I, "maybe they still work in the rain?" Then I looked a little closer and saw that they were actually piling out of the hive, taking wee tiny bee-poops in midair over the baby pool in the apiary garden, and doubling back. I laughed for a solid five minutes--they are actually smart enough to be all "OMG IT'S STARTING TO RAIN, LET'S GO DROP THE DUNG-BEETLE LARVA OFF AT THE POOL IN CASE WE'RE TRAPPED INSIDE FOR A WHILE!" (bees will not poop inside the hive, and can actually get sick from prolonged freezes where it's too cold for them to nip out for a quick poo) Then today I took this photo of the hive entrance:

Figure One: How great is it that you can see where they're tracking pollen all over the entryway? The Queen probably doesn't think so. She's probably all "AND WIPE ALL SIX OF YOUR DAMN FEET ON THE WAY IN, I DIDN'T HAVE FIFTY WORKERS SCOUR THAT LANDING BOARD WITH THEIR MOUTHPARTS THIS MORNING FOR NOTHING!"

3. This morning I totally went back to bed with Hotter and Isis after the kids went to school and wallowed in bed with them until almost noon, and I'm not even sorry. Today's round of online job applications still got done when I got up (the Beater is still mostly out of comission; we're taking it for an oil-change and a repair estimate tomorrow and once it's back up and running I'll be pounding the actual pavement more), and with any luck I won't have that kind of snuggle-opportunity too many more times before I'm working full-time again (I am still working part-time for Temp Agency #1; I never stopped and they are searching for a fulltime temp-to-hire gig for me so I'm doubly glad I maintained the connection with them). Hotter is an excellent snuggler, and since we're both bi we take turns being the big spoon.* Isis then jumps in and littler-spoons whoever the little spoon is, and it's like a cuddle conga-line. It's pretty fabulous, actually :)

 ETA: 4. Today I had the distinct pleasure of watching this episode of Last Call Brittany live, and participating via the live chat (I'm probably fucking the terminology ALL up--can you tell I only joined Google + in order to see my very favorite author and Twitter-friend, Tiffany Reisz, on this show?). I'm already Twitter-friends with several of the ladies who were on the panel, and thought "man, I wish I was public so I could @ a couple of the others," and then thought HEEEEEEY why not? So I made my Twitter account public again, because Temp Agency #1 doesn't care about my social media proclivities, my ex and I have reached a blessed accord of sorts wherein he doesn't give a fiddler's fart what I do unless I'm in front of him and vice versa, and Stalky, as always, can eat an ENTIRE bag of dicks and choke on the balls. There's very little she or anyone else could do right now to make my life any worse, and while that has its obvious drawbacks it's also kind of liberating.

* That was a joke, people. One's sexual orientation has nothing to do with whether one is the big spoon or the little spoon. I have no idea why I feel the need to add in this disclaimer, but do not need a lecture on perpetuating stereotypes. If you're getting het up over an innernet-stranger's perception of sexuality in re: spooning within the confines of their own damn marriage then you probably need a hobby and/or psych meds, but this IS the innernet. 

prose-poetry of a Sunday afternoon

Sometimes life pulls you out of yourself with its ordinary beauty,
the stumbled-upon poetry about the agony of knowing on social media,
walking out to the backyard beehive with an emotional sweet tooth and a spoon,
and just for a moment you forget everything but the perfection of metaphors.

blah

   Things with Hotter are good. VERY good, actually. We had a nice day of snuggling, make-up sex, coffee together, and a nice family dinner.

   I just wish I believed it'll last.

   See, the entire fight that precipitated the recent discord was due to lack of money. Specifically, I broke down and confessed that I hated how money was making me extra-terrified of something happening to a member of his family (entirely possible given risk factors such as age and heroin addiction), for the simple reason that I couldn't afford to get him to and from The Arctic Tundra.

   Hotter, of course, interpreted that as me disparaging his family, and the opposite of hilarity ensued. He was mean to me, REALLY mean, yelling, cold and cruel in the face of hysterical tears...hell, he even threatened to "take this to the innernet." The reason that there is currently peace is that I agreed to a $200 Special Savings for family disaster.

  Here's the thing though: we get Hotter's disability payment and the first of March's child support tomorrow and after rent, the phone bill, a tank of gas for the car, a new Betta fish for Little Child (the old one died) plus water conditioner to hopefully help this one live longer, a bag of potting soil to start seeds with and a payment toward Hotter's credit card, all that's left is $69. And that has to last for a week of near-daily milk purchases, coffee (because if Hotter is out of coffee EVERYONE SUFFERS), dinners, field trip money, prescriptions...hopefully I'll make cash tips here and there because for a family of five to survive on $69 for a week is...optimistic, at best.

   Meanwhile, I really need some new lenses for my glasses, Hotter still needs dental work, we have to buy a "super" for the bees to fill with honey sooner rather than later, Little Child needs a twin bed, Hotter needs glasses, Little Child needs glasses, we owe on Hotter's credit card...

   So yeah, I don't see that $200 materializing any time soon, and it's still pretty likely that something will happen to either Hotter's mother or son and I won't be able to afford travel. Only instead of just the fury over that, I'll also have the fury of "YOU PROMISED!" to deal with. And then there's the emotional fallout of feeling like love comes at a literal price around here.

   This kind of makes me want to curl up and die. After my first in-law experience with the XY's family I swore that in future relationships I would be like the Pony Express: ORPHANS ONLY! I should have stuck to it, or maybe just gotten a dog instead of remarrying in the first place.

sweetening

   So I was scrolling through the facespace this morning and saw an article a friend shared about gluten-intolerance where the author claimed maltodextrin (an ingredient in my beloved Splenda) contained gluten.

*insert record-scratching sound here*

   Some Googling around revealed that maltodextrin is a broken-down starch that can come from wheat, but that in the US it's generally from potato, rice, or corn (overseas it is generally derived from wheat). Some sources claim that even when it is wheat-derived, the protein portion is removed in processing and therefore it's safe for gluten-intolerant individuals and those with Celiac disease to consume. Others, however, suggest that you Google "Splenda sickness" before trusting the safety of the stuff, so I did, and fell down the rabbit hole of symptoms that look familiar-ish, and now I just don't know.

   So I'm doing a trial separation from Splenda now, and I don't love it. Stevia liquid is okay, but...meh. I'm telling myself that if I feel the need to sweeten it before drinking it (I mostly use sweeteners in coffee and tea) I probably shouldn't go crazy with it to begin with and ought to have a nice healthy glass of water instead, but currently I'm pretty sad about the no-Splenda thing.

   Hopefully when the nectar-flow hits this Spring my bees will provide enough honey that I'll use that to sweeten things instead of Stevia; by that time I should be at my goal weight and won't have to worry as much about the calories in every little thing.

so anyway: bees!

   Since I can't even tell what Stalky is talking about on that GOMI bullshit anymore (I don't even get where it's supposed to resemble anything to DO with my life, I mean JEEZ not to flaunt my degree but that shit wouldn't even fly in an MFA workshop on FICTION, which isn't even getting into the shit on "Sam's" blog about e-mails she claims I wrote and apparently now I stole her credit card WHILE SHE WAS OMG PREGNANT? I don't even know, a) bitch is cray and b) why aren't I in jail then?), let's talk about something I actually care about (Stalky can stop touching her no-no place; her five minutes of fame on my blog are over): bees.

   How do you tell if a colony is queenless? I've only ever seen our queen once since we got our NUC in May and I'm worried. It's entirely possible the little wench is just hiding from me when I do our hive inspections. I haven't done an inspection in a couple of weeks because I usually get stung at least once per inspection and while I don't seem to react as much as the average bear in terms of pain or itching, I do get large, unsightly welts from beestings and I work in a service industry. I plan to do another inspection on my next day off (Wednesday), and know to look for larvae and use "bee math," and be on the lookout for overmany drone cells, but other than that how do I tell if the MFA Honeybees are without a queen?

this is Kevin (Kevin is THE MAN)

   Look to the left. See that devastatingly handsome fella gracing my sidebar? His name is Kevin, and he is riding his bicycle all the way across the country for your right to know. Right to know what, you ask? Well, click the ad (it's not a pay-per-click one, so I can tell you to do that if I want to). It takes you to an article about Kevin's cause. What it doesn't tell you is that Kevin is a retired DC bike messenger and all-around awesome guy. Here is an article about his ride, and here is an article about his retirement. I hope you'll add your signature to the petition for labeling of GMO foods, as I already have, and more importantly that you'll wish Kevin well, wherever he is right now, because I have it on very good authority that he is A Good Egg. The MFA Honeybees, who would like very much not to succumb to Colony Collapse Disorder, which GMO crops have been implicated in, are HUGE fans of Kevin's. And without the pollinators, we wouldn't have much to eat on this here spinning blue ball of ours, GMO, non-GMO, or otherwise.

   So: GO, KEVIN, GO!

I am still out of sorts; here is a cute fuzzy bunny

Figure One: Nine days and a little fuzz makes a BIG difference! Much cuter now.

Figure Two: And here is a bonus photo; I think it's one of the best I've ever personally taken. This is one of the MFA Honeybees working the borage in the front strawberry bed. Borage flowers are delicious in salads and on cakes and cookies. Bees love them too, though, and will buzz your head aggressively as you pick.

MFA Mama: 0/MFA Honeybees: 3

   So I'm still home sick, although I think I'm on the mend (I can make a noise besides a whisper today, although I still sound like a pubescent goose). This gave me a chance to go and mess with the bees, though! When I picked them up the beekeeping instructor showed me where they'd built one of the frames out a bit too far. "You'll want to go in tomorrow and trim that back," he said nonchalantly. Okay! Right! 

   So this morning I set out to do just that, and about the best thing I can say about how it went is that I am DEFINITELY not allergic to beestings. Note to self: do NOT forget to rubberband your pants-legs next time! I got the comb trimmed, but made kind of a mess of it, and I'm sad that I ended up killing the three bees that crawled up my pants and stung me (plus however many I may have smooshed in manipulating the frames). I guess it's kind of a good thing I got that over with, though. The last time I was stung by a bee before today I was just a kid and I remember it as SEARING AGONY. The me of today found the stings to be less unpleasant than mosquito bites (I am VERY allergic to mosquitoes) and won't be scared to mess with the hive next time.