I realize I mostly post super-healthy recipes on here. This is not one of those. Big Child just turned twelve and asked me for a "coconut overload cake, like last year!" Unfortunately, last year we were so broke that I was totally improvising, and I don't even remember what the hell I did except that it involved lots and lots of coconut. So I Googled around for ideas, decided to go for a pudding cake since Big Child likes really rich baked goods, and saw one otherwise-gross recipe that included flaked coconut in both the cake AND the frosting. BRILLIANT! While I couldn't actually taste the cake (STUPID WHEAT WITH ITS STUPID FUCKING PROTEIN!), I liked the idea of adding to the (god this is a douchey word, but bear with me) mouthfeel with something to give it a little texture.
Big Child's Twelfth Birthday Triple-Coconut Cake
1 box yellow cake mix
1 3.5-oz packet of coconut-flavored cook & serve pudding
1 and 1/3 cups water
1/4 cup coconut oil
2 cups unsweetened flaked coconut - you can use sweetened if you MUST, but remember you've already added sugar via the pudding and I think sweetened would be cloying
Beat eggs and oil together, add pudding powder, then add cake mix and water in alternating halves and once mixed, beat on highest setting or, if you prefer, WITH FEELING, for three minutes. Stir in coconut flakes and bake in two 8- or 9-inch pans for 35 minutes at 350 (if you use 9-inch pans, check at 33 minutes or it may get a little darker than you want it to due to the pudding mix adding sugar). Cool in pans for 15 mins and then on racks or plates until cool enough to frost.
4 oz neufchatel cheese
2 oz coconut oil
1 tsp vanilla extract
1-2 tbsp heavy whipping cream
2-3 cups confectioner's sugar
2 cups unweetened flaked coconut
Toast the coconut flakes in a dry pan over low heat until golden. Set aside to cool. Beat the neufchatel cheese and coconut oil together, then add 1 tbsp heavy whipping cream and vanilla extract. Add confectioner's sugar one cup at a time, correcting with the other tbsp of heavy whipping cream as needed until you have the right consistency--you want shiny but not loose, forming nice peaks and ripples. Beat in half the toasted coconut, saving the other half to coat the frosted cake.
Frost the tops of both layers, stack them, then frost the sides and coat with toasted coconut. If you can do this and have it come out looking neat and pretty you're a better woman than I am, but according to the MFAmily Gluttens it will be so delicious you won't care (I tasted the frosting and it was gooooood). Write "Happy Birthday" in gloopy cursive with one of those super-nasty HFCS gel frostings, top with re-lighting candles if you're a wise-ass like we all are here, and sing the birthday song. WHOO, TWELVE!