I was just talking to Dr. Anon on the facespace and asking her if she thought Hotter's particular brain damage might cause him to act stupid about money and/or reality. She reminded me that she is no neurologist and volunteered that neurology isn't her strong suit, but said that "Looking at the location generally though it's a sort of relay station area, which suggests that putting clues together might not be his strong suit." Hmm. I speculated that maybe I ought to make Hotter an appointment with his neurologist just to ask him about it, and then I remembered that we already spoke to his neurologist about this once. The Unbloggability I'd been wrestling with in the weeks prior to that appointment was similar to what we're dealing with right now (Hotter being generally absentminded/clueless about money and then lashing out at me and generally being a huge penis-head). At that same appointment, the good Dr. Brain pointed his finger at Hotter like he was a bad dog and said "I know you're bitter about this, but you do NOT get to take this out on her."
That is exactly what happened the other day, and it is not okay. At this point Hotter has worked through "YOU ARE A LYING LIAR WHO BEGRUDGES ME DENTAL TREATMENT" (I am paraphrasing, since Hotter likes to correct my phrasing when I quote him on the blog, but that is the gist of it), on through "here is a list of things YOU have done wrong, Ms. High And Mighty," to "drive carefully on the way home, I love you!" and "I hate arguing with you, I'm sorry I called you a liar." Which to be honest sounds less like "I was wrong, I acted like an asshole, you didn't deserve that, I apologize," and more like "I would very much like for you to not be pissed at me anymore," at least to me.
And then there's the fact that I got home from work today, from whence I had texted Hotter the information on his new individual dental insurance policy* (thank you, JMJen, for the suggestion!) and asked him to make an appointment, to children asking me to order pizza to celebrate their snow day (which is excusable, their thinking that was an option, BECAUSE THEY ARE CHILDREN) and Hotter offering up that he hadn't started dinner, you know, in case I wanted to do just that.
Which is what caused me to wonder anew whether this was brain damage in action or I'd just married a monumental asshole (again), because SERIOUSLY? I bought dental insurance I hadn't anticipated spending money on today, worked while in pain (I have done something to my t-spine and I do not want to talk about it), we still have to pay the very large co-payment to fix the goddamn tooth and YOU WANT TO KNOW IF I WANT TO ORDER PIZZA? I just...it's like he constantly thinks that I've won the lottery and simply forgotten to mention it. And then if I display any annoyance I am the asshole, because "what is wrong with just ASKING?" (hint: it starts with "Hotter is not a child" and ends with "I am not Hotter's mother")
I have to remind myself at times like this that on the whole I love Hotter, a lot, because every time this happens, his cluelessness, his taking his bitterness out on me, THIS**...it makes me look at him and wonder if this will be the time I don't go back to feeling good about him again.
* Which doesn't mean the crown won't be hideously expensive, just that it will be less a matter of "someday if we win the lottery we'll get Hotter a crown" and more a matter of "Peter watch your pocket, because the dentist's name is Paul." We can't AFFORD the crown even WITH the insurance, but if I work my ass off and the van doesn't blow up we can make it happen within the next couple of weeks.
** Yeah, this happens a lot in January, doesn't it? I have, in fact, considered whether Hotter might be bipolar; on one hand he certainly has it in his family, but on the other hand I'm not sure any psychiatrist would touch him due to the seizure issue and the brain damage. They might just punt him back to the neurologist. In any case, the treatment of choice is both an antidepressant (which Hotter is on, and which makes him MUCH more pleasant) and a mood-stabilizer (which Hotter is ALSO on, because his seizure meds are used for that), so this may be as good as it gets, or at least the matter of whether Hotter is bipolar or just a jerk is largely academic.