I didn't want to admit it, but a lot of my depression of late has been work-related, and the reason I didn't want to admit it was a) didn't I just HAVE a shitty job? I'm giving mySELF the side-eye here because I am the common denominator in two back-to-back shitty jobs now and b) Hotter would be pissed at me. But I just can't go on being this miserable, and after last night I can safely say that what is going wrong at The Ritzier is NOT in any way my fault.
The Ritzier is a great establishment, but unfortunately my manager there is a verbally abusive, belligerent drunk. This isn't just my assessment. There have been statements as to his drunkenness made and signed by entire shifts' worth of employees. Upper management has flat-out said things like "this guy needs to go. We are trying to fire him, but he's already threatening to sue us and we need a blood alcohol level to support terminating him, and he keeps evading that. We are so sorry you have to work with him" and "____, what the hell is wrong with you talking to MFA Mama like that?!? That is inappropriate, unprofessional, and constitutes harassment!"
The whole thing kind of breaks my brain, and last night Drunk Boss tried to send me home "for being a whiny little bitch" (I needed a manager override for something and he resented being called to the restaurant because he is always super-busy elsewhere) (by which he means drinking and perusing the job listings on Craigslist), I went to the AGM and tried to quit, he begged me to "hang in there" and talked me down and yelled at Drunk Boss and said he wasn't allowed to send me home for asking him to do his job, and I spent my entire lunch break LITERALLY crying on the shoulder of my gay work-grandpa (that's a story for a happier post but I just love that guy!), finished my shift, came home, and told Hotter I'm looking for another job.
That did not go over well. Hotter's concern for our family's financial survival manifests in the form of a lot of "every workplace has issues!" and "you'll never find a serving job without drama, so why leave a place with benefits?" and "you just need to be more assertive!" (which frankly sounds very victim-blamey to me, that last one, and also really fucking insensitive given that I've been on the receiving end of a lot of violence in my life and therefore REALLY DO NOT ENJOY CONFRONTATION) (plus also I TRY! Last night I stood up to Drunk Boss, with the AGM's support and backing, but you can't reason with a belligerent drunk and I don't think it'll improve the situation any).
So yeah, I'm looking for another job, and Hotter initially tried to be all "I support you doing whatever will help you be happier" (I suspect because I was a total wreck last night and female tears are Hotter's kryptonite) but has, as I feared, devolved into making a lot of "I love you, but..." statements, and yes I broke the Blogging Prime Directive and talked about work, but the worst-case scenario there is that Stalky somehow figures out where I work and I get Dooced and honestly that would kind of be a relief at this point (mind you, being even very temporarily jobless would suck, but I can handle poverty better than THIS). Also? I was maliciously glutenated last night at work (don't ask...I REALLY need a new job) and today everything hurts and tomorrow I'm going to be an emotional basketcase, so that's swell.
TL; DR: My job sucks and it's threatening my relationship, and that is why I am so depressed, and I need my people.