MFA Mama

the news from here

*   Medicare "extra help" update: Hotter called them yesterday and we should hear something "within a week." Whether that means "within a week of when you filled out the online application," "within a week of this phone call," "within a week excluding holidays" or "within seven business days" is not entirely clear, but that is what happens when I make Hotter make his own phone calls. Everyone cross your fingers, your toes; hell cross your EYES that we get a favorable answer with that, and within a reasonable timeframe.

*   Job update: I haven't officially heard anything yet, but unofficially The Boss's assistant took pity on me and said I should plan on being with PseudoCorp at least through the end of the year. YAY! It's not quite an offer of regular employment plus benefits (which would also solve the Medicare problem), but it beats being told I'm no longer needed!

*   Poultry update: my boss at Temp Agency #2 reports that the birds are doing well, and she's already in love with Loud and Crazy the turkey. She's a huuuuge animal lover, and I feel really good about the birds going to her.

*   Thanksgiving prep: I have to deal with our turkey today after Hotter's neurology appointment (which is why I am not at work). Ugh. Expect an update on that later, WITH PICTURES.

lazy Sunday morning

   Well, we got the poultry moved. It wasn't easy (think all of the parts to a 7x12 chain link enclosure, ten birds, three kids, plus Hotter and me packed into the MFA Minivan at once for a long drive to the middle of nowhere) or pretty (turns out tom turkeys don't enjoy being bundled into giant burlap sacks--WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED?) but we got it done. My boss texted me this morning to let me know that Loud and Crazy was puffed up and gobbling and scared the crap out of her horses (whoops--she's more amused than annoyed, though) and she got two eggs already. Heh.

   As some of you already know, I mentioned the poultry exodus on the facespace and Lefty (my prodigal stepson) decided the time was ripe for a flame war (apparently he takes exception with my blaming his IDIOT UNCLE for the deaths of the first wave of refugees). So I unfriended and blocked him, because life is too short to suffer fools regardless of relation by blood or marriage. Hotter was all "OMG ARE YOU THAT DEFENSIVE, HE'S JUST BEING HIS SARCASTIC SELF" and I was all "apparently so! Or alternately: he is an irresponsible, entitled, shiftless little punk and I'm still pissed about him complaining when I couldn't take a weekend off with zero notice that one time he wanted to have a party and calling me and the boys your 'fake family' and am also sick of having to defend my right to work like a goddamn dog to provide for us. Either way? BLOCKED!" Then he backpedaled some with "well I'm fine with it if you don't wanna associate with him" and I was all "good because it wouldn't make any difference if you weren't!" So yeah, everybody was an asshole. GO US!

   I'm kind of conflicted here. On the one hand, I feel for Lefty, because his mother is an unmedicated bipolar waste of skin and breast implants and he and I have that in common, plus I think somewhere deep down under all of the tattoos and bad attitude he's a good egg. I probably shouldn't take much of what he says personally, because he'd probably be jealous and resentful of me and the boys regardless, and I am the grownup and all that noise. I've become fiercely protective of my own serenity, though, and can't say I particularly regret anything. I guess I just wish things were different and everybody could get along a little better.

   Oh well. It was nice to have a day off to spend with my family yesterday, and I'm making the most of my lazy Sunday morning today (I'm working an event for Temp Agency #2 later on). It looks like Hotter and the boys aren't the only ones who miss having me around more:

Figure One: She's been in my lap, on my feet, or snuggled up to me like this most of yesterday and today. Awww...

braindump

*   Thank you, from the bottom of my black little heart, for the e-mailed and Twitter-DMed offers of cash, help with "the system," contacts in high places, etc. You are wonderful people. Let's not all rally to Do Something just yet, though; while I can't rule out the possibility that I'll ask anyone and everyone for anything and everything they can do or give if it comes to it, at this point I think we should all hold off on doing anything drastic until we know for sure that "the gap" applies to Hotter's situation.

*   After reading up on the "extra help" criteria, I don't see how he WON'T re-qualify (he has received "extra help" up until now because he was on Medicaid for a while before we got married, and being on Medicaid AND receiving Social Security benefits automatically qualifies you). It may be (and I am hoping LIKE HELL) that this only a matter of us needing to go through the application process (which we have already done online), and the letter Hotter received yesterday was just to let him know what would happen if he did NOT qualify. According to the online assessment thingamajig he "probably" qualifies. So let's all just hold onto the hope that he will qualify, and that I will stay sane while we wait to find out (yesterday I had my first panic attack in over a year, and lordamercy it was a doozy).

*   For several days now, my right upper arm area has ached the way it does when I've just had a shot (like a flu or tetanus one). The last shot I had was several weeks ago, and was in the OTHER arm. The pain isn't particularly debilitating, doesn't get better or worse with exertion or changing position, and there isn't any bruising or other discoloration of the skin over the area (although if I press it does get a lot worse for a few minutes). So it's not a big deal, it's just kind of "there." What gives, body? Why you gotta do me like that?

*   I think I have solved the problem of The One Who Dislikes Me by giving her a small gift of a type of electronic charger I heard her say she was looking to acquire (I had one because I used to have the type of equipment it charges, but I no longer have that equipment so it was of no use to me; I figured at the very least giving it to TOWDM was better than sending it to a landfill). The charger was not the standard model, but rather a nicer type that I'd purchased through an after-market source, and TOWDM was thrilled with it. Since I gave that to her she's been much nicer to me; she is still fundamentally lacking in the sense of humor department, but that's okay. I can handle humorless but friendly; it's humorless and HOSTILE that gets to me. Between that and someone's brilliant idea to bring Stalky up with HR myself so that it's on record in case some wacky accusations come in from an unidentified source I would ABSOLUTELY take a permanent job at PseudoCorp if one was offered to me. 

*   Temp Agency got back to me with "the job is ongoing for the time being," which gives me absolutely nothing to go on, and I finally decided to go the white lie route and told my boss at PseudoCorp's assistant that I'd gotten a call about an interview for a job that wasn't better than PseudoCorp but was, you know, at least a JOB and wouldn't dream of going IF PSEUDOCORP NEEDS ME because I LOVE the company, but the month I was quoted during the interview is up next week and therefore I need to know if I'm done with the company next week or if they would like me to stay on longer. I made sure to tell her to please make it clear I wasn't trying to run out on PseudoCorp AT ALL, but just, you know, needed to know whether to go on said interview.

*   The boss's assistant DID say it was news to her that I'd been told I was there for only a month, and that the vacant job position TOWDM is covering "until we find a replacement" (this is allegedly why PseudoCorp brought me in, to cover for TOWDM while she covered for that position) hasn't even been POSTED yet, which would seem to imply that they need me to hang around, and also that she'd only heard positive things about my performance from the higher-ups and would be shocked if they didn't want me to stay on for at least the forseeable future. So there's that.

*   Maybe they're thinking of promoting TOWDM to the vacant position and hiring me on to do TOWDM's old (and my current) job? That would be pretty awesome. Once I thought about not having the job any longer I realized that it's really grown on me, and a lot of the perks (the building is gorgeous and offers spectacular views, is near a super-nice public park that I can walk through on my lunch hour on nice days and has a secure and enclosed parking garage I can walk through on my lunch hour on rainy/snowy days, and while it took some adjustment on my part I'm coming to enjoy the corporate culture) are very agreeable. Plus I imagine that if they offered me something fulltime it would entail benefits and ohhhhhh beeeennnnnefiiiiiiiiiits...even if they just kept me on indefinitely as a temp the money is good enough that I don't have to worry about losing my self-paid coverage, and that would be a huge load off my mind (assuming "the gap" doesn't apply to Hotter, in which case we all panic because life is shit and OMG).

*   One positive thing came of all the panic over "the gap;" Hotter announced that he "had some feelings" and went out and started kicking the shit out of the busted back-hatch of the MFA Minivan. I didn't expect it to do any good but seeing as how my LAST husband would have kicked the shit out of me or one of the children didn't say anything to dissuade him, and he actually bent the hatch in such a way as to render it functional again. WHOO TITS!

*   I have to go and transport the turkeys (minus Thanksgiving), two ducks, and half a dozen chickens plus the parts of the pen they reside in to my boss at Temp Agency #2's house about an hour away. Loud and Crazy the turkey will be riding in a giant burlap sack. WISH ME LUCK because I AM GOING TO NEED IT. If you hear about a minivan full of poultry going off an overpass on the news and I never post again, you'll know why.

R.I.P., MFA Flock

   My idiot brother-in-law promised he'd build a fence for the MFA Flock if we gave him most of the birds. He didn't do it, though, and a dog killed all of them except for Paul the rooster, one hen (I don't know which one and kind of don't want to know, although Hotter asked, and it wasn't Zombie who was spared), and the ducks (although apparently one of the ducks, and again, I don't know which one and don't really want to, was "a little bloody") in one fell swoop.

   The birds we had intended to keep before the c(o)unty changed their mind about grandfathering us go to my boss at Temp Agency #2 this weekend. This whole thing just sucks and I'm angry at life.

   I hope you're happy, Stalky.

   R.I.P., birds.

ow

   Well, I survived Day One of The Weekend From Hell, although I dunno that I'd go so far as to say I made it through unscathed. Tonight was an utter goat rodeo; SOMEone screwed up (I'm pretty sure it was the client although it could just as easily have been Management) and we served half the salads before being told the ceremony the dinner was in honor of hadn't concluded and we had to TAKE THEM BACK UP and those couldn't go back out. So the kitchen had fifteen minutes to re-make half the salads for 2,500 guests. A line-cook walked off the job in disgust and the chef was in tears. For me the worst part of the night came earlier, though, during setup, when I found that one of the coffee cups at one of the tables in my section had a large daub of something stuck to the inside of it that had evidently been through the dishwasher  (it looked like possibly fossilized cheesecake?). In the venue where tonight's event was held the kitchen is up one story, across a skywalk, on the other side of the emm-effing street, and the guests were five minutes out. And so I pretty much had no choice but to do the one thing I knew I absolutely shouldn't: run.

   Any lingering doubts I may have had about the sore leg being a stress fracture have departed. 

   Also on our "lunch" break (during which employees got burgers and dogs, despite there being PLENTY of extra entrees) I checked my e-mail to find that the electric company had, for no discernible reason (I paid on time, dammit!), booted us off the budget plan, meaning a $500 power bill. Oooof.

   The one bright spot in the sea of suck is that my very sweet boss at Temp Agency #2, with whom I often talk poultry, agreed to take the entire MFA Flock. She already has chickens and ducks, and says she's always wanted turkeys. Her only reservation was in the fact that she had nowhere to put them, as she keeps all of her post-menopausal hens and just gets new ones to lay eggs because she can't bring herself to slaughter any of them, and thus has run short on pen-space. So I told her we'd give her one of the chain-link enclosures and a feeder and waterer; we could MAYBE sell those but eff it, this way we know the birds will have a good home and don't have to drive to the Arctic Tundra to make that happen.

   Other than that the night sucked unequivocally; my right knee randomly puffed up halfway through the event and started clicking every time I bend it, both shoulders feel wrenched, an elbow is acting up...I think my autoimmune shit is acting up and it's the very worst possible timing, because I have to work tomorrow and all week and next weekend...damn.

   How are all of YOU?

today started off well but can ultimately eat a bag of unwashed dicks

*   This morning on my way into work, I called the local radio station when they announced a giveaway, AND I WAS THE SEVENTH CALLER! I won two tickets and backstage passes to a concert, and I can't tell y'all what band it is because that would reveal my location, but YOU HAVE HEARD OF THEM and THEY ARE FAMOUS and TICKETS ARE VERY EXPENSIVE. This particular band wouldn't have been my first choice if I could pick, but Hotter and I do enjoy their music and OMG CONCERT EXCITING! Miraculously the XY has agreed to take the MFA Children the night of the show and keep them overnight, so Hotter and I get to go on an actual date. WHOO!

*   I was in a good mood all day because who doesn't like winning and getting to meet famous people and a real date with their husband? Surely this was a good omen!

*   Oh how wrong I was. Starting around lunch my leg started REALLY hurting, and I think it's safe to say that I've got an actual "you-have-to-stop-running-for-at-least-a-month" stress fracture (finding out for sure would involve missing work to go to the doctor, and x-rays and probably a CT scan or MRI since stress fractures rarely show up on x-rays, and that would cost a LOT of money so I just plan to take naproxen as needed and stop running until it heals, which is ultimately what a doctor would tell me to do along with ice, compression if needed, and elevation; I've had numerous stress fractures in the past and know the drill) (disclaimer: if YOU have not broken greater than thirty bones in your life and think YOU have a stress fracture and can AFFORD the doctor, probably YOU should not try this at home; I on the other hand am a seasoned connoisseur of orthopedic mishaps and know what is and is not going to cause permanent damage and what it feels like well enough to make a call like this with a great-than-average degree of accuracy). I'm going to forgo any exercise until after The Weekend From Hell and the two twelve-hour shifts on my feet it entails, because I can't risk gimping myself up before that, and then see if the leg will at least tolerate power-walking while it heals. In the meantime I'm RICEing like there's no tomorrow and taking a TON of calcium and vitamin D to hopefully support a timely recovery.

*   I talked to the guy from Zoning today, and apparently a) the grandfathering paperwork we turned in doesn't take 90 days to process and b) it won't be adequate after all, and essentially they changed their story due to another anonymous call they received. Now the story is that without our being able to get sworn affidavits from every single person who has owned our house since 1978 INCLUDING our current landlord we can't keep our flock because apparently an ANONYMOUS SOURCE provided information none of our neighbors had any way of knowing that caused them to question the veracity of our application more closely than the average applicant's (in other words, my writing about getting our flock grandfathered here on the blog turned into an anonymous call to our county's zoning office wherein someone who had clearly done their homework threw a wrench in the works). So Stalky is still doing her thing and I...well, I am out of fight on this. It's possible that I could research the HELL out of this and satisfy the now-more-stringent requirements, but I'd have to do it within the next ten days, meaning taking time off from work and spending a day paying a bunch of administrative fees at the county courthouse to find names, Google-stalking them, and begging them to provide me with sworn and notarized affidavits, and even if I did all of that and these strangers were findable and willing to do me a solid the county might STILL reject it because if they do it's not like we have any recourse. I'm not going to put my family's livelihood at risk, and the county won't budge on the timeframe, so that's that. This is such bullshit. We have until December 1st to get rid of all our birds or face a hefty fine. We talked about various options up to and including moving, but ultimately keeping the MFA Children enrolled in their their current (very highly-rated, best in the area) school district trumps all, at least for now. 

*   I did at least retain the presence of mind to tell the Zoning people that if they were going to discriminate against us like this they could at least have announced their intention to do so before I forked over a check for $75, and they had the decency to refund the money. Which goes toward buying some car insurance, TOMORROW. After which there will be nothing in my life that anyone could even REMOTELY use against me in the eyes of any sane person. So I'm not going to quit blogging or anything, Stalky or no Stalky, because I enjoy it and the only way she'd really win is if she silenced my voice. Which? Ain't happenin'.

*   My twitter profile bio has said lots of things over the years. It used to list a lot of things I was, including mother, writer, runner, etc. and I haven't written fiction in years and dropped "runner" after my LAST stress fracture and now I'm benched AGAIN and I have to take "keeper of chickens" out and...I'm starting to get a little superstitious. Currently it just says "giggling inappropriately since 1979," because that has ALWAYS been true and WILL always be true (I even giggle as an inappropriate response when things are fucking horrible). So that stays. The rest...well. Y'all know I have kids and a husband I'm crazy about without my hex-o-matic Twitter profile bio saying so.

*   I also changed the header back to the original one by Calliope because I don't want to see chickens on my masthead right now. 

*   So yeah, today can eat a bag of unwashed dicks. How are all of YOU?

well, that's interesting

*   I left work today and went straight over to the zoning office to turn in the grandfathering paperwork for the MFA Flock (we had to collect statements from neighbors, etc. to include with the application and fee, so it took a little while, but the super-nice zoning guy was okay with that). We'd been biting our nails over this and hurrying everything along as best we could, and...the clerk placidly informed me that these things take ninety days to process, so check back if we haven't heard anything from them by...mid-February. SERIOUSLY?

*   One of the security guards at work seems to be sweet on me. Obviously I am not interested in him at all, but it did give me a much-needed boost, since I've been pretty depressed about my body lately (I'm fat...REALLY fat...like as in if our Thanksgiving turkey perched on my shoulder I'd weigh what I did when I waddled into Labor and Delivery all three times...this is part of why I started running).

*   An MFA Child (I'm not saying which) recently announced that he had both a girlfriend AND a boyfriend. INTERESTING! Obviously the MFA Children are familiar with the concept of heterosexuality, and we've covered homosexuality, but we hadn't discussed bisexuality at all (which is kind of funny when you consider that Hotter and I are both bi). So I remedied that (without "outing" either Hotter or myself, because I don't think the MFA Children need to know THAT MUCH about their parents' sex lives at this stage in the game) (and also because as I've mentioned before, in this state people have LOST THEIR KIDS over their sexual orientation, and if the XY is going to sue me for custody soon, and I think he may, I don't need his lawyer telling the judge that I'm exposing the children to unsavory concepts, and I KNOW, I KNOW, but better safe than sorry). I'm not sure if the kid was saying it just to see what our reaction would be or whether this is genuinely A Thing, but I guess time will tell.

*   How are all of YOU?

et tu, Tuesday?

   So my in-laws have departed along with half the MFA Flock, and I am very relieved. My kids never saw my stepson awake (they peeked in on him sleeping before Hotter and I were up and all commented that he looks a lot like his dad but they either didn't notice the spools in his ears or didn't realize those things were IN his ears because they didn't comment on that, and the tattoos were covered) (WHEW!), there was only one screaming match between Hotter and The Wrath (which took place after the boys had gone to school), and nobody said anything unpleasant to me so I'm going to call that a victorious in-law experience.

   The landlord (who is generally a good one but whose spouse is occasionally...difficult...so it could have gone either way) is going to replace the water heater without making us wait several days as they have done for repairs in the past, so that's good.

   But apparently the people at my job noticed how little they need me (I called in today after a night of fitful, nightmares-about-stepson-repercussions filled sleep to supervise any potential meeting between the four stepbrothers, because honestly after last night I didn't trust Hotter not to TOTALLY FUCKING BUNGLE IT if they had questions about the tattoos, piercings, etc.) and I got a call from Temp Agency #1 a little while ago to let me know that I've been laid off effective immediately.

   Fuck.

grumbling, assorted

*   My friend lives! I hadn't exactly planned to update the blog but I know y'all worry. She's feeling rather sluggish and "blah" but her gums aren't pale, her heartrate is within normal limits, and she isn't short of breath so while her H&H probably took a hit based on what she's seen, there's no reason to think she's in any great danger. Best of all, she's having less pain with swallowing than yesterday, so things appear to be healing in there. She's hoping she's dodged the bullet and that this will heal up nicely and not need any sort of intervention at all, but just getting through the weekend without an emergency is a wonderful thing in and of itself and she's grateful for that.

*   The poultry drama continues as Hotter and I make some tough calls on who stays and who goes. We're going to be limited to twelve birds, total, which means that Hotter's and my differences in how we view livestock (namely that they're more pets and individuals to him and more mouths to feed/utility critters to me) have gone from "amusing" to "causing some friction." The ducks in particular have become a bone of contention, in that I think keeping the pair that's bonded and sending the two extra girlducks (who seem to have more a relationship of necessity than a true pair bond, like prison-spouses) to The Wrath is reasonable and Hotter wants to keep them all. I wouldn't have a problem with that if it weren't for the twelve-bird limit, but we really don't use that many duck eggs, so...yeah. We're already keeping a lot of non-laying birds because of the turkeys and Hotter's beloved silver-laced Wyandottes (who don't yet lay). Ugh!

*   I read something on a blog the other day that really rankled me. I'm not going to say whose or give a link because I refuse to propagate blog-drama, but the general gist of it was that someone was blagging (using their blog to brag about their life) and, along with a lot of uber-materialistic hokum that didn't bother me a bit (I'm not a particularly covetous person when it comes to Things Material, although I do envy those of you who have Kitchen Aid mixers) they blagged at length about their children. The way they're able to afford to give their kids lots of things I can't give mine did smart a tiny bit, but the line that really stuck in my craw (ha! Like that pill! Oh haha!) was something to the effect of "my kids don't have special needs!" I'm kind of conflicted about getting my hackles up there, because if none of my children had any special needs I guess I might privately include that in the things about my life I was grateful for, but...well, I don't know that I'd blag about it openly. If your children don't have any special needs then hey, that's great for them and for you, but...it's not like that's a measure of your success in life. With the exception of things like FAS and prenatal drug exposure, a child's having special needs isn't usually indicative of their parents' mistakes or misdeeds. It just...is what it is. I'm not sure exactly why it bothered me so much to read that line in a blog that's in the "trainwrecks" section of my reader anyway (oh don't act like you don't have blogs you read solely because they make you feel better about your own life...I at least own my schadenfreude), and I certainly don't wish any special needs upon the blaggart-in-question's children or anything mean like that. But that line has stayed with me. I guess maybe I ought to take that one out of my reader...

*   This certainly has turned into a mishmash of pissing and moaning, hasn't it? To make up for that, at least in part, here is a picture that I am extremely proud of:

Figure One: Gobble gobble, motherfucker! At last I captured Loud and Crazy the turkey in action! Isn't he impressive?

good news: yay!

*   The poultry (at least most of the poultry) can stay! It turns out that we just have to file some paperwork and pay a $75 filing fee to have domestic fowl on less than three acres on an agricultural-zoned property in our locale. We'll be limited to a dozen birds, so we're still sending some to the Arctic Tundra with The Wrath (who is coming early next week to fetch them). The ones who go will include both roosters and the loudest cacklers among the hens, and hopefully that will pacify the neighbors (if in fact it was a neighbor and not Stalky who complained). With the number we keep we'll have plenty of eggs for our family (although we will have to stop giving dozens away to neighbors, which under the circumstances given that maybe it WAS one of them I will not feel bad about). Y'all, I did not want to admit how upset I would have been if we'd had to get rid of all of the birds; they're a large part of why we love living where we do and more than just a source of eggs, meat and feathers. They're FUN. SO happy about not having to get rid of them all!

*   I got word that I get to keep my current lovely job (which is through Temp Agency #1) until late November! They're cutting my hours, but only down to 8-5 Monday through Friday, which will be a welcome change as I'll get to have dinner with my family and do homework with the boys, as well as sleep an extra hour in the mornings. I have weekend work lined up for two coming weekends through Temp Agencies 2 and 3, which will be good as we're trying to save for an inexpensive second vehicle I can drive to and from work and such when we don't need the passenger capacity of the MFA Minivan to save on gas. Also, the day job through Temp Agency #1 lasting as long as it is means I'll be eligible for unemployment when it's over should I need it (I hope not to need it, but better to have it as an option and not need it than need it and not have it as an option, right?).

*   A fabulous reader informed me that I could change my signature in the iPhone so that now instead of "sent from my iPhone" it says "sent from The Precious." This tickles me to no end!

*   I do NOT have anything lined up through any temp agencies for THIS weekend, which means that I get to spend it entirely with my husband. We plan to give our mower a tuneup (new spark plug and air filter), mow the lawn, and spoon a lot. 

*   How are all of YOU? I do genuinely want to know when I ask. Talk to me!