As a server, I go through a LOT of pens. Part of this is that they blend into the interior of the MFA Minivan and hide on assorted surfaces throughout the house. Most of it is that pens are a hot commodity at work; if you set one down and turn your back you can kiss it goodbye, a pen loaned to a co-worker might as well be a gift (but not one you want to refuse to give, since next time you might be the one who needs ONE MORE PEN for the fifteen lunching ladies with the fifteen separate checks), and customers will often think a generic-looking pen is theirs and absentmindedly stick it in their purse or pocket.
Which is why I was delighted to find a coupon code (it's 15PEN, which had they put "pen" first would have been a hilarious and awesome code indeed) that allowed me to buy 300 personalized pens for $75,* all of which will be hot pink and say, in large block print, "I STOLE MFA MAMA'S PEN."
* That is not an affiliate link, and I am not being compensated for this post in any way--I just thought some of y'all might want to get some pens for yourselves since my facespace friends were all over the idea.