Yesterday sucked a lot in ways that were all new to me, which is kind of saying something as I am something of a connoisseur of shitty life-circumstance at this point! I don't want to be overly specific, but my day involved, in various effed-up ways, the US Military, a minor on-the-job accident (I am totally fine, but there are procedures that must be followed with these things...), a good-faith attempt at mandatory post-accident drug-testing on my part that revealed a monumental paperwork SNAFU between The Ritz and the local Urgent Care clinic, a brush with upper-level management at The Ritz ON A WEEKEND to straighten things out and ensure that we were all in compliance with company policy, and Hotter going missing.
The end-result is that I can't go back to work until my pee is processed, which is why I was so eager to get that done in a timely manner (I even offered to pay for the test myself out of pocket if someone would reimburse me, which was why Management got involved in the first place), and that takes two to three days, so I have some unexpected and unpaid time off during which I get to stew over how I sometimes seem to be the only person working at The Ritz who actually remembers all of the policies and procedures (the security supervisor who processed the Incident Report wasn't aware I had to be drug-tested, didn't have the proper forms to give me for that, and wasn't aware of the "no working until drug test comes back" rule...and then they asked me out, which OMG I AM TECHNICALLY YOUR SUBORDINATE AND MARRIED TO BOOT). I am going to have one HUMDINGER of a debriefing with HR tomorrow! As for Hotter going missing, he was well aware that I had had a very stressful day but chose to disafuckingppear without any keys, jackets, or dogs so that I got home and spent twenty minutes searching the house and yard for a body, because I have NEVER come home and not been able to find him. He just doesn't go anywhere. EXCEPT FOR YESTERDAY. And when he finally did turn up, I discovered that Pfeffer had had babies AND EATEN THEIR BRAINS LIKE A FUCKING ZOMBIE GAHHHH!
At that point, I will not lie, I decided that tennish weeks of not drinking was long enough to satisfy me that there was no chemical dependency issue at play and I did purchase and consume some Real Absinthe, with wormwood and everything, and take a hot bath (with Hotter supervising to ensure that I didn't pull a Whitney Houston). I am mildly disappointed to report that I did not hallucinate or anything, although as I pointed out to Hotter, given the kind of day I had had if the walls started to bleed I would have doubted that I was actually hallucinating and just put on a pair of gloves and gone looking for bodies (AGAIN. OMG HOTTER).
And then I slept for fourteen hours.
How are all of YOU?
P.S. Big Child says "How do you make a plumber cry? KILL HIS FAMILY!"
P.P.S. One piece of good news: backyard chickens are now legal again where I live! I am allowed to have up to six birds, which means that the chickens are coming home from Squatter Workshop and I am getting two more.