1. I was browsing The Innernet and saw where people were talking about black-bean and kale brownies. Is this A Thing now? Have any of you tried it? I mean, the black-bean part doesn't bother me. I am down with black-bean baked goods. But...kale? I...want to believe. Because beans + leafy greens + egg = A MEAL. A MEAL MADE OF BROWNIES! But...kale? And then I Googled, and...SWEET BABY JESUS NOT AVOCADO TOO??? Is this a dessert or a damn taco salad?!? I want to try this and like it, but...I'm scared.
2. Someone sent me a picture of Stalky in case I wanted to put a face with the online persona at long last, and my gut reaction was a sick little thrill because I am totally prettier. And then I felt like dogshit, because I am a bad feminist, and also what is wrong with America. Actually, if you put the picture next to my driver's license photo and squint your eyes it's like she's my older, heavier sister with a tragic birthmark and redneck hair. Ewwww...
3. Speaking of bad things on the innernet: Honey Possums. Y'all know I hate possums like poison, but...these things are deceptively cute AT FIRST. See the first photo? Aww. Now scroll down to the third photo. THAT'S ITS LEFT NUT, THEY HAVE HUGE TESTICLES, OMG, AND USE THEM TO PRODUCE THE WORLD'S LARGEST SPERM. Possums: Of The Devil. This confirms it.
4. My boss's boss's boss, doing manly boo-ya things he must have learned during his time in the military, because I got a corporate-trivia question right, which makes our entire department look good. You maybe had to be there, but picture The Head Honcho, Who Is Much-feared, in a suit, doing squats and flexing and yelling...over corporate trivia. And then he brought me gluten-free cookies, which was nice :)
5. This. This is A Thing. I...can't. If you are using your ENTIRE HAND for that, you're doing it wrong and I just...can't.