Tonight was a shitty night at work; I had another large party that didn't understand the concept of tipping (and I know they were happy with the service because several of them thanked me and told me what a great job I'd done on their way out), driving my sales up to the point that I had to go into my own pocket to tip out my bartender, runner, and busser. On top of that, there was the kind of table-snatching, gossipping server drama that made me hate The Ritz; generally I really like working at Eclecstasy in large part because the way they do things makes that almost impossible, but someone proved tonight that that is still a thing if someone is determined enough.
I got home tonight and sat in the MFA Minivan in the driveway for a moment blinking back tears before going inside, because I knew Big Child would still be up (despite it being past bedtime) and want to perseverate about his Civics presentation tomorrow, and didn't want to lose it in front of him. I didn't want to come home and face Hotter, because I think he's still annoyed with me for being annoyed with Lefty, I didn't want to have to hold it together through reassuring Big Child, and for a second I considered backing out again and leaving, but I didn't want to go anywhere else either.
I think the real problem right now is that I would just rather not be me, and that's not going to change until 10/3 at the very earliest (potentially, anyway--there's also the chance that whatever comes of that day's pivotal appointment will be what finally breaks me for good).