I have a co-worker who is very curious, a keen observer of others, and a tireless investigator of all the things. We'll call them Curious George. Curious George, in addition to being curious, has little sense of tact, an overly-inflated sense of personal importance, and a big mouth. Here are some of the questions that Curious George has asked me:
Do you have any siblings? What do you do besides work? Do you have any friends? Why did you divorce your first husband? Do you have any hobbies? Why are you so weird? How come you're sick so much? Did you have a fucked up childhood?
If you don't answer Curious George's questions, George wants to know why you're hiding things, reminds you that they are an open book, and informs you that that is the very best way to be. I generally answer truthfully or else try to redirect or deflect. Here is how I have answered George on the above:
Yes and no, some half-siblings, only one of whom I have even met. I spend time with my family and I have a garden and a lot of animals that keep me busy. Yes, don't you? Because we brought out the worst in each other and I thought his worst was worse than my worst. I like to cook and read. Why do you think I'm weird? I have asthma. That is a very odd question to ask--yes, actually it is, well, I suppose it depends on your definition of fucked-up.
George answered my rebuttal question re: my weirdness by stating that I often look like I am listening to people around me who are not talking directly to me, and opined that perhaps I am trying to eavesdrop on George's very important personal conversations with others at work because I am nosy.
For some idiotic reason, on that day I felt the need to justify myself to George, and explained that I don't always hear well, because I have a Central Auditory Processing Defect, and therefore have to pay closer attention to my surroundings in order to figure out whether someone is talking to me at any given moment than the average bear. I meant to reassure George that I had no intention of eavesdropping.
Today Curious George apparently reached a verdict on me, and chose to render judgment in a manner I found highly offensive, enough so that I mentioned it to Management, who agreed that what George said was offensive and said that they would speak to George about it. George then took me aside and delivered one of those "I'm sorry you chose to be offended by what I said, but..." non-apologies that people sometimes give you when they're being right-fighters, and followed it up with "and I guess I know how to handle YOU in the future." At that point I went to HR and was like "look, I would like to drop this and move on, but I don't think George intends to do that." HR called George to join the conversation, and George proceeded to get extremely heated, lie about some irrelevant details, and "explain" to me how right they were.
And all the while, George spoke very slowly, over-enunciating in the way that some people like to do to indicate that they think the person they are speaking to is being deliberately obtuse.
Or, you know, if they know the other person has a hard time hearing and are mocking them, because they're an asshole.
I hate when people are assholes.
I think I'm going to start answering all of Curious George's questions with "HUH? CAN'T HEAR YOU, SORRY!"