Things won't be getting better any time soon after all. Hotter and the boys are fine, and eventually I will be, too, but things are about to get really, really hard financially, and I just...can't. I'll be back when I have nice things to say again.
* The dandelion syrup I referred to in my last post is the stuff I made here. Or more probably a later batch than that, but aaaaanyway.
* As far as the pancakes, I am currently using mix, but will likely try making my own (gluten-free) at some point. Currently if I'm making pancakes I just make regular glutenous ones for everybody else and eat something random myself.
* How random? Y'all ask for recipes and I laugh. Today's breakfast: a quarter cup of GF rolled oats, about a tablespoon each of honey, cocoa powder, toasted sesame seeds, and tahini, pink Himalayan salt (I'm in love! Bought a grinderfull last time I was at Trader Joe's and feeling fancy), and a fork. It was delicious.
* Last night's salad, I should have photographed. It was SO GOOD. Cubed raw beet over chopped dandelions, topped with thin-sliced onion-top (GOD DAMN MOLES), crumbled feta, and quick vinaigrette (olive/grapeseed oil blend, white wine vinegar, lemon pepper, and pink Himalayan salt).
* Yesterday's lunch was pretty amazing, too--black beans, Wholly Guacamole I had frozen and forgotten about, bibb lettuce from the yard, sour cream, salsa, Adobo, and a spritz of lime juice.
* Yes, because I know some of you are wondering, the children still eat "normal" stuff (as does Hotter). They have cereals and bread and pasta and all sorts of el-cheapo couponed pre-packaged foods. I just get inventive for myself, because gluten.
* Speaking of which, I glutenated myself at work licking my finger after pouring salad dressing that turned out to be not bleu cheese (housemade, gluten-free) but Ranch (from mix, containing MSG). Am an idiot, but my customer got their dressing of choice with their damn wings.
I was going to do a post about compost today, but I was off work, and feeling lazy, and couldn't be arsed to find my phone to take the photos for it.
Which is really too bad, because our compost this year is really amazing stuff and I can't wait to see the veggies it'll grow!
Instead, I'll simply say that I love, love, LOVE the humble dandelion. We have them all over our yard, and a couple of pots planted for human consumption as well, and every single creature here (excepting the betta fish, who are strict pelletarians) eats the SHIT out of them. I pick the greens for the rabbits and chickens at Squatter Workshop, I chop them into Isis's BARF diet dinners and put them in the cockatiel's clothespin-feeder, I eat them in salads and soups, along with their flowers...they're tasty (if you pick them before they flower--DON'T PICK THE LEAVES OF DANDELIONS THAT HAVE ALREADY FLOWERED, THEY'RE BITTER AND GROSS), super-nutritious, plentiful, and FREE! I have even, thank you Belinda, started putting dandelions in my smoothies. And last Summer's home-canned dandelion syrup is still delicious on (GF for me) pancakes.
My father's family ate secrets during the Great Depression. My grandmother, the Gypsy, worked with Margaret Sanger and knew the dirty little secrets of half the girls in town. Legend has it packets of meat would show up on their doorstep, the shameful mis-steps of the daughters of the rich, blood-tinged.
"If a dog shits in your yard, you take the shit and throw it in the woodstove," I can remember her telling my mother. "That way it burns his asshole." We visited her every Saturday in the Jewish old folks' home. She wore necklaces, bracelets, and earrings of turquoise beads, to ward off the Evil Eye.
"This one, she'll suffer," she said, and spat lovingly onto the top of my head. I hated Saturdays. "This is what you get for marrying a shiksa." My father nodded, and handed me a paper napkin. My granny gave me a worry-stone, made of quartz, with a groove for a troubled thumb. She knew I would need it, the witch.
I have some dilemmas, and thought I would crowd-source them because sometimes y'all are wiser than I am about things:
I. Hotter's eye surgery. Do I cancel it because we are broke as a joke, or forge ahead because 1) VISION and 2) if things keep going as poorly as they are at work I may not have this excellent insurance coverage for long. My knee-jerk reaction was FUCK NO WE ARE NOT CANCELING IT but am I being stupid about it/making this harder than it needs to be?
II. Big Child's birthday. It's in six days, and we're still going to be overdrawn, and I don't know what to do. I can PROBABLY bake a cake with what we have on-hand, so there's that, but as far as gifts go...not so much. Do I 1) talk to him about it, explain things, and let him choose a gift that I will buy after we're back in the black or 2) _________ (I don't know--ideas?). He will be twelve.
III. Work. Things at my job...could be going better. Today there is a mandatory meeting wherein Management will address something monumentally shitty they've done to every single person in my department (in essence they have given everyone a huge paycut in a way that may or may not even be legal). A lot of my co-workers plan to quit on the spot if the meeting goes poorly. I am not that rash, but do I 1) hang tight at all costs, because BENEFITS and hey, this is my chance to really ingratiate myself with The Powers That Be or 2) take the time and energy away from the rest of my life to actively begin searching for something new and hopefully less shady?
So the field trip check that I wrote bounced after all, because my ex is a douche and paid the child support late, which cost us one overdraft fee, and now there'll be another for the $30 check for THAT (online banking means you can watch your life implode in real-time, and see the charges BEFORE the fees hit), and that means the three pending charges will EACH generate another $35 fee, and the bottom line is that we are never, ever going to get out of this hole. $175. Just in fees. JUST SO FAR. I keep thinking we're allllmost back to good and then BOOM.
And Big Child's birthday is in one week, and there's nothing coming in before that.
There's nothing coming in for over a week, and I'm going to need gas to keep going back and forth to work before then, and we're almost out of milk, and people insist on eating three times a day, and we need prescriptions filled, and a wrench-extender thingy to install the new sparkplugs I bought before this happened, and lunch foods for Wednesday's accursed fucking field trip...
Sometimes life pulls you out of yourself with its ordinary beauty, the stumbled-upon poetry about the agony of knowing on social media,
walking out to the backyard beehive with an emotional sweet tooth and a spoon,
and just for a moment you forget everything but the perfection of metaphors.
My single favorite person at work, who was also my boss, seems to have left amid great mystery, and yesterday was a fourteen-hour day, and everything hurts, and I need to plant a row of turnips but have to be at work again before long, for another day that promises to be absolute hell. If I made a great deal more doing what I do, or if what I do were "air traffic controller," this would all make a good deal more sense and be easier to bear.