"You need to let the blog know I'm okay," he said earnestly, because he doesn't understand the Twitter or actually OPEN the facespace, and it's true-ish. He has a virus, I think, something with a slight fever, and it hit his GI system first and THAT threw his electrolytes out of whack, so that he was on the floor whimpering and punching his calf and yelling that he was going to pass out. Which I approached with absolute calm and was all "you need calcium, magnesium, and potassium, and aspirin as a precaution against DVT, and you can eat these-here TUMS and drink this-here electrolyte drink with an Alkaseltzer in like a man or refuse and go take it in the arm in the ER like a little *redacted* but either way you have three minutes to pull it together before I drag your ass up like a colicky horse" because that was what the situation demanded, but it's not my favorite conversation to have in the thirty seconds following opening my eyes of a motherfucking morning, y'know?
Then I broke my toe, my WEDDING TOE, or it would be if it was my finger, and it took me a solid three beats of desperate silence to remember that The Children Were Away and that I could say ALL THE SWEARS. Which I did. But hey, good news, I definitely do not have diminished sensation in my icy-assed feet! Nosir! Or diminished bloodflow, either, as SOMEthing is certainly pumping the translucent maroon horror-bag loosely attached (I kid, of course--muscle and skin are pretty tough on a bird my age) to my left foot full to bursting! So that's good news, I guess. Aside from the noise it made when it happened, which was puke-worthy.
And speaking of wedding appendages, I've been wearing my ring again and no allergic reaction. I honestly think that the situation from before was due to either Coxsackie (I BARELY KNEW HIM!) or else gluten, as I was kneading dough almost daily for bread or biscuits or SOMEdamnthing and the inside of the ring is engraved and probably held onto particles. Emm-effing gluten. I ran afoul of some shortly after the nightguard shattered, when my feelings tasted like some peanut-butter hearts that didn't show wheat or gluten on their label but (according to online sources) were Highly Suspect, having been manufactured during a "peak demand" at, most likely, a leased location. I AM LEARNING SO MUCH ABOUT FOOD, Y'ALL, AND IT ALL MAKES ME WANT TO BECOME A JIAN, OMFG. As it is, I've ordered a new vegan cookbook that is centered around food-to-prevent-disease, "FSM help us all,*" and am considering going off any non-locally-sourced/sustainably-produced animal products WITHOUT EFFING GLUTENATED BROTH OR SEASONINGS ADDED.
I know, I can't even stand mySELF about food anymore.
Oh and I fell off the Splenda-wagon, because I think I'm giving up enough for the moment. I don't think it made any difference, anyway, although I'm starting to turn the stinkeye of blame toward dairy. Which doesn't even bear thinking about.
How are all of YOU?
* (tm) Michele.