* The bills are paid but the checking account is in the red; I never seem to forecast things correctly, fail to wait on what can wait, and it bites me in the ass. Part of this is lousy math skills, part of it is idiotic optimism, part of it is just life. I'm sure the ADD doesn't help. But my next check will cover everything and have a little left over, which is enough for me for the moment.
* It's not enough for Hotter, who I think has started to see me as a walking dollar sign, with the balance on my forehead dipping disgustingly every time I selfishly buy something that is just for me either because no one else wants it, or because I keep it for my own. I do this for myself occasionally, get me a little treat to make life temporarily enjoyable, and I feel like it's allowed. Thank goodness I've reached a point of not letting someone else's disapproval ruin the scant few pleasures in my existence, because it sucks more than usual right now.
* I think I had invested too much of myself in my marriage. I guess I was guilty of something I rarely hesitate to poke fun at in others: I started to see Hotter's and my love as somehow greater than what most people shared with another human being, as A Wonderful Story, as something timeless and epic and lots of other Lifetime Movie Channel buzzwords (do you kids still have that channel?). It's not. It's really a very ordinary cleaving together of everyday losers.It's like a pair of work-pants you buy at Goodwill; it serves the purpose but nobody envies you over it. And that's fine. So what if it wasn't such a hot bargain; I have it now and it gets the job done, and at the end of the day I'll wash it and wear it again. Whatever.
* Food, y'all, I just don't even know. My eczema is flaring and I'm itchy quite often. Honestly I could use a go-round with a competent allergist, but failing the time and money for such a thing, I think I'll have to try going off dairy. Which: noooooo. But hey, I bet I'll lose even MORE weight!
* Work is still wall-to-wall bullshit. I, however, have ceased to care. I am one of the Little People, and things change very little for us even if there's a shakeup at the top of the food-chain. I have adopted a few lines of Virginia Woolf's Professions For Women as my personal motto at work and in general of late, those having to do with The Angel in The House. Yesterday I got a raise, so I think it's working (yeahhhhh suck it, all of you who still sell your souls for LESS than a $0.20/hr increase!).
* I really, really, REALLY want another tattoo. But of course it'll have to wait. Which means that I'll be really, really sure when the time comes, so that's all to the good.
* How are all of YOU? In case you couldn't tell I am desperately unhappy at the moment, but I'm sure it will pass. ONWARD!
* It's not enough for Hotter, who I think has started to see me as a walking dollar sign, with the balance on my forehead dipping disgustingly every time I selfishly buy something that is just for me either because no one else wants it, or because I keep it for my own. I do this for myself occasionally, get me a little treat to make life temporarily enjoyable, and I feel like it's allowed. Thank goodness I've reached a point of not letting someone else's disapproval ruin the scant few pleasures in my existence, because it sucks more than usual right now.
* I think I had invested too much of myself in my marriage. I guess I was guilty of something I rarely hesitate to poke fun at in others: I started to see Hotter's and my love as somehow greater than what most people shared with another human being, as A Wonderful Story, as something timeless and epic and lots of other Lifetime Movie Channel buzzwords (do you kids still have that channel?). It's not. It's really a very ordinary cleaving together of everyday losers.It's like a pair of work-pants you buy at Goodwill; it serves the purpose but nobody envies you over it. And that's fine. So what if it wasn't such a hot bargain; I have it now and it gets the job done, and at the end of the day I'll wash it and wear it again. Whatever.
* Food, y'all, I just don't even know. My eczema is flaring and I'm itchy quite often. Honestly I could use a go-round with a competent allergist, but failing the time and money for such a thing, I think I'll have to try going off dairy. Which: noooooo. But hey, I bet I'll lose even MORE weight!
* Work is still wall-to-wall bullshit. I, however, have ceased to care. I am one of the Little People, and things change very little for us even if there's a shakeup at the top of the food-chain. I have adopted a few lines of Virginia Woolf's Professions For Women as my personal motto at work and in general of late, those having to do with The Angel in The House. Yesterday I got a raise, so I think it's working (yeahhhhh suck it, all of you who still sell your souls for LESS than a $0.20/hr increase!).
* I really, really, REALLY want another tattoo. But of course it'll have to wait. Which means that I'll be really, really sure when the time comes, so that's all to the good.
* How are all of YOU? In case you couldn't tell I am desperately unhappy at the moment, but I'm sure it will pass. ONWARD!
Hey, look on the bright side of raises. I'm the only part-timer of all the people in my position, so even though I'd been there longer than some, I didn't get the dollar raise that the rest got.
Bosses suck.
Posted by: Jay | February 21, 2013 at 01:49 PM
I hope the excema flareup passes quickly, as well as the rest of the less than stellar things going on at the moment ...
(Not my first marriage), I have decided that it's a cyclic thing, ranging from a little better than ordinary, ordinary, and then the dreaded oh crap less than ordinary ... fortunately it seems to move from one to the other with regularity. As for me and mine, we have never achieved that giddy bliss after the first phase - but I chalk that up to health, money and kid issues along with our naturally crabby personalities. I know it's not like that for everyone, and some couples seem to maintain the honeymoon level for many many years. They are lucky and I assume they appreciate it.
You go, a raise - that's always a vote of confidence regardless of what's going on it the upper realms ... yay you!
Onward! As my Mom was always saying - the first 100 years are the hardest and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger (I think I got my sarcasm naturally :-) )
Posted by: Starling Krutz | February 21, 2013 at 02:59 PM
Yikes - sorry.
Posted by: krlr | February 21, 2013 at 08:19 PM
Raises are always good. Marriages are always a lot of work. Checking accounts are always skirting the edge (in my world, anyway). I'm sorry it's sucking right now. I've been there and can't blog it and...yeah. I get you. Hoping it is all better soon.
Posted by: Attorney At Large | February 22, 2013 at 12:43 AM