So remember when I said I'd comment no more on the Stalky scenario?
Well, I lied.
See, I was trying to take the high road. "Don't feed the trolls," as the saying goes. I wasn't naming any names, I wanted that shit to go AWAY, I mean c'mon, it's been YEARS and sooner or later they'd find a new hobby, right? Well, apparently not, and since they've gone and outed themSELVES I might as well address the issue. I mean, none of these people have had any conversations with me since long about 2008ish, I think? I know I've moved WAY on with life since then, ended one marriage, began another, changed careers...but apparently some people have very unexciting lives, or are just obsessed. I don't know.
So here's the background. Around 2006-2008 I was really sick. We still don't fully know what ailed me, which is scary as hell because that means it might be something that'll come BACK (gawd I hope not), but the best guesses among the many doctors I saw during that time period were that it was a combination of post-staph rheumatoid phenomenon (I had MRSA septicemia right before the downward spiral, which was treated initially with IV Vancomycin and then, after I left the hospital, with oral Zyvox, which unfortunately interacted with the Cymbalta I'd been taking and gave me Seratonin Syndrome, a.k.a. the temporary, iatrogenic crazies--it sucked a lot), three different strains of Epstein-Barre (because why just have one or stop at two?), and "adrenal fatigue" (I kind of like my endocrinologist's theory, which he very bluntly stated to my ex-husband: "you are killing her with the stress, cut it out!"*). I spent the better part of two years flat on my back on high doses of time-released morphine, unable to walk except with the aid of a walker and unable to drive. I had to have a lot of hired help with the kids, and to drive us to their various medical appointments, and I didn't have much of a life during naptime and after they were in bed except online, because my ex-husband was in and out of the marital home, and when he was living with us, he and I didn't have much to say to each other. I made friends with people online, blogged, and played a game called Second Life, which is actually where I first "met" Hotter, as I've already alluded.
There are two kinds of people who will be your friend when your life sucks as much as mine did back then (and while I may bitch about my life now, THIS IS NOTHING). The first type is those who are just really amazing people with the patience of Job, and the second is people who just want the inside track on the tragedy porn, either because they have similarly shitty lives and want to commiserate or because they are twisted in some way and get off on it. Those two types can be amazingly difficult to tell apart, especially if you're desperate for adult interaction and hopped up on lots and lots of painkillers (and okay, maybe kind of naive and bad at "reading" people, I'll cop to that).
Of the second type, there was one local friend with a similarly shitty life who I met through my blog, and there were two online friends of the twisted variety (one of whom I met and one of whom I spoke to over the phone a few times). In late 2008, when I initiated the dissolution of my marriage, I took my blog down but continued keeping up with a circle of trusted confidantes via group e-mails. Local Friend and the more innernet-famous of the two online friends were on the list, but apparently the other online friend, who just stopped wanting anything to do with me one day, had decided we were now mortal enemies and started reaching out to anyone she thought was friendly with me, whether because I commented on their blogs or they mentioned me or whatever. I know this because a couple of people straight up reached out and said hey, what is up with this person? They e-mailed me and said you're a horrible human being but I've known you for years and told them to fuck off/ignored them because clearly they are on some crazy drugs/forwarded the e-mail, here it is.
Haters gonna hate.
As a matter of fact, sometimes they're even going to go on a forum dedicated to discussing the shortcomings of bloggers and keep on talking smack about you three, four, five years after you stopped being friends with them and out themSELVES, so I don't feel like I'm telling any secrets by introducing you to "Sam" (her real first name is on her blog, but I'm hoping we can all at least agree to not provide non-public information about each other, since we all have spouses and children who have nothing to do with any of this bullshit, and so I've used the name she most commonly uses online):
Figure One: If you click it, it takes you to the source, although it's an ugly place that makes ad revenue off the page-views, so here is the excerpt where "Sam," ever-eager to keep stirring the shit, identifies herself, invites anyone and everyone to come to her for all the TRUEFACTS, AND points the finger at "Stalky." If you Google her screen-name from here, you will find that she has a blog, which I link to below, although if asked I will remove the link and image. Oh, wait. I didn't know enough about GOMI to have known what the little world-symbol under someone's avatar meant, but she linked to her blog on THERE.
This is the post she's talking about on Cecily's blog, and is where the peril of going with a mob mentality comes to light: I am pretty sure I'm the online person Shan believes made the false report she mentions. Except...I didn't. Is Shannon the main member of the collective I refer to as "Stalky?" Yep. Do I pretty much wish she'd go ahead and drop dead of all she claims ails her, then proceed straight to rotting in the hell I don't even believe in for all the grief she has caused me? You betcha. Would I go so far as to try and bring that about by phoning in a false report of child abuse, or even have the identifying information to give, were I inclined to do so? Nope. All I ever had was a first name and a phone number. I commented on that post, as me, and I also sent Shan an e-mail:
I am in NO way condoning false reports to CPS, but if you Google around you'll see that Shannon is someone who likes to squeeze into her judgey-pants and weigh in on lots of online controversies, and I guess that's the kind of shit you risk when you make a hobby of a) mixing with that sort of element and b) pissing all over others on the innernet. I believe she is the "Miss Shannon" who commented all over the GOMI thread about me, but that is just my personal conjecture and I could be wrong. I do know that her last public post on her own blog (now defunct, it was called Charming Bitch) seemed to be geared toward me, and included information (such as the exact date of my divorce hearing, and the state where I live--I considered sharing a screen shot but seeing as how those are not my words and she's removed her site from the Wayback Machine, which leads me to believe she doesn't want to share it, I won't) she'd gleaned from the group e-mails I'd included her on to the very end of them, after the Stalky e-mails started back up, and after making several rounds of cuts as a result. I really trusted this person, is what I'm saying, and obviously that wasn't very smart of me, because apparently she started a group blog, along with Local Friend, and "Sam," and a couple of other former friends of mine, all about how I'm just the worst person EVAH!
Live and learn.
Why am I sharing all of this now, and why am I not naming the Local Friend? Well, I was hoping that if I kept ignoring this and taking the high road, eventually these gals would find other hobbies, or get busy with the numerous small children they all claim** to have, but apparently that's not going to happen and now they've "outed" themSELVES so I might as well weigh in. I think Local Friend has moved on. Does she have an online presence? Yes, but it doesn't appear to have anything to do with me, and she hasn't "outed" herself as being involved in this mess (nor has "Sam" gone and done it for her). I'm not interested in dragging anyone into this who isn't publicly in it already, or has Let It Go.
The last time I spoke to "Sam" except via saber-rattling e-mails was April of 2008. I haven't seen her face-to-face since March of that year. She hasn't been in any home of mine since December of 2007, when she came and visited me, and had the following to say about it (I am the one she refers to as "Eliza" and assures you isn't, in fact, batshit crazy and making her life up--oh how times and her tune have changed!):
So, yeah. For all of you who've asked, and who I've given vague answers to or none at all, THAT is the drama, that's who Stalky is, yes, I used to blog as Eliza Doolittle, yes, I used to play Second Life (although not nearly as much as some people apparently believe and I haven't even logged on in several years because HELLO, I HAVE A REAL LIFE NOW) and met my husband there, and yeah, my first marriage was obviously pretty messed up but We Are Not Discussing That. Apparently if you contact "Sam" she'll be glad to give you some years-and-years old gossip on me, and if you have any questions for me that you'd like answered straight from the horse's mouth, you can leave a comment on this post and as long as you aren't asking for information I'm not comfortable divulging on the innernet I'll help you connect the dots. And THEN hopefully this can be over, and I can go back to writing about my family and garden and animals, or bitching about my grammar-related pet peeves, or how I worked myself to death or think I have a cold or, YOU KNOW, my day-to-day life circa NOW. I really hate that I've felt compelled to Go There in the first place, but you know what? It sucks to feel like you need to defend the veracity of the very worst aspects of your life. Do I wish I had a perfectly healthy body, and family, and dog, and minivan, and bank account, and no worse problem than a little habit of lying, as seems to be the current Stalky Party Line, despite their having clearly seen first-hand evidence to the contrary in the past? ABSOLUTELY, FUCK YES, SIGN ME UP! Am I making it all up? No (dammit). Am I going to continue to sit here silently while these people keep doing shitty things like starting Twitter accounts to do nothing but @ people I know that I'm a big lying liar and broadcast my full legal name, kids' names, current address, and phone number, and commenting on hate forums about what a faker I am, hoping it'll go away? NOPE.
I thought about this. I really did. I talked it over with my husband, and told him what I planned to say. "What's the worst that could happen," I asked him, "they continue to not drop this?" He pointed out that they know our childrens' names and where we live, and might post that for all to see or try and rile The XY up and get him to take me back to court over custody. I pointed out that they've already done most of that, The XY is legally bankrupt and can't afford to sue me for at least another several years or his creditors will want to know where he got the money to do it, and barely even takes his visitation, plus all their juiciest gossip is so many years old that it'd be useless to any impartial, rational judge (literally! A literal judge! HA!). So, yeah. This is me turning the lights on, and hoping the cockroaches scuttle away.
* The ex-husband stuff is the only part of this whole hot mess I'm not going to clarify, out of respect for the fact that he's my childrens' father and we need to do our best to co-parent peacefully. Was he a shitty husband? Yes. Was I a shitty wife? Toward the end there, YOU BETCHA. We clearly were a bad match and brought out the worst in each other. In my opinion his worst was worse than my worst, and I did in fact instigate the final parting of ways for that very reason, but it's blood under the bridge. I'm not going to demonize him on here. He knows what he did, and I know what he did, and a few lawyers and other key players have a pretty good idea of what happened, and no one else needs the gory details.
** Am I saying they don't actually have little kids? In the case of "Sam," no. In the case of Shan...well. I just don't know, have no way of actually finding out, and don't particularly care. I've personally gotten to the point of questioning everything she ever said, because who ever survives ovarian cancer TWICE (with bonus systemic MRSA and heart surgery AND AND AND) and goes on to be (allegedly) happy and healthy and have the time to nurse multi-year vendettas like this? PRETTY MUCH NO ONE. But if there's one thing I've learned from all of this, besides to pick my friends CAREFULLY, it's how much it hurts to have the darkest aspects of your personal life picked apart by people who really have no clue, so I'll just leave it at "I have my doubts but cannot verify."