Believe it or not, generally when I communicate with my ex-husband I am a paragon of diplomacy. This is partly because "killing 'em with kindness" is my M.O., and partly because I only communicate with him in writing (because otherwise he screams at me, and that is no good for the boys plus I don't much care for it myself). Today, however, that all went out the window. He texted me to cancel his weekend visitation. I am used to that, and because he cited a family emergency that (if it is true) sounds pretty dire, was prepared to be somewhat sympathetic and leave the position this puts me in (namely that of probably going without eating much this weekend myself, because we're already eating the pantry and two extra days of feeding three growing boys is...problematic) out of it, but then...well. You know how there are some things you JUST DON'T DO? Like talk about a tough guy's mama or yell "FIRE!" in a crowded theatre or engage in any manner of hate-speech that we all know about and I won't name here? The XY crossed a line like that.
He instructed me to carry out plans HE had made with the children, and when I said I couldn't afford to do so, he gave me grief about not having any money, stating that he pays child support and therefore I am practically rich.
And I? WENT OFF. I told him to go fuck himself. I told him he had a lot of nerve to give ME grief about being poor when HE was the one who put me in this position (fun fact: by the time we finalized our divorce the XY knew I planned to spend the rest of my life with Hotter, and because Hotter had been my best friend for several years, he knew Hotter's medical situation and that to marry me, he'd have to give up a lot of government assistance that was the only way he could get by. The XY knew that, and THAT is why he insisted on the "no overnights" clause. He did it out of pure spite, to try and keep us apart, just to be an asshole). I told him to go fuck himself again. I told him he barely PAYS child support, and told him to fuck off some more. I pointed out that child support is supposed to go UP as children get older and their needs more complex, and that his has stayed the same since 2008 because HE escalated our divorce and all matters pertaining to it (including custody) to a higher court that, in our state, requires you to have a lawyer to even bring anything before it. I told him to go fuck himself. And then I pointed out that he wasn't man enough to do right by his children without a judge forcing his hand, which made him pretty fucking pathetic, and told him to go fuck himself AGAIN. Finally, I told him that I was driving around on two unsafe tires with a toothache because I can't afford to fill a cavity, and had just gotten off of work, so now wasn't really a good time for poverty shaming, and told him to fuck off again.
And then I told him to go fuck himself a couple more times (I went back and counted--it was eight "fuck yous" altogether), and that he owed me one HELL of an apology. Which he finally gave, and I did not accept.
As I told him next, "wow, you hit me below the belt and then grudgingly gave me a half-assed apology that demonstrated no actual understanding...it's like we're still married!"
WOW. I am generally a very nonconfrontational person. I'll just cut you out of my life before I'll go so far as to tell you to go fuck yourself. I don't have much of a temper. But...I guess now we know where the line is!