Okay, technically 7-4, but that makes for a less catchy title.
Or actually 8-4 today, because GUESS WHO HAS TWO THUMBS AND SLEPT THROUGH THE ALARM THE FIRST DAY OF HER NEW! FANCY! JOB!? THIS ASSHOLE RIGHT HERE.
Sorry. That needed the caps-lock outrage. Because OMFG whyyyyy? I also made sure to get the day off to an excellent start by skipping breakfast, wearing really tall shoes to go with my achy legs (I'm still hurting from the Run Of Suck when I was refusing to admit I was sick), and spritzing myself on the way out the door with perfume I'm allergic to. In my defense I had no idea I'd developed an allergy to my favorite perfume of over a decade; I guess that's just what you get when you don't wear perfume very often?
Despite all of my self-sabotage, today was excellent. I arrived to a free employee breakfast being served right as I walked in the door, I continue to be VERY impressed with PseudoCorp's committment to sustainability on all levels of operations, and I really like my coworkers. They seem pretty impressed with my brainstorming/problem-solving abilities, too:
Co-worker #1: Hey MFA Mama, could you call the maintenance guy on duty to lift this giant suitcase full of books over the hallway to the carpet on the other side for me, please? If I drag it I'm afraid it'll scratch the hallway floor and The Boss will kill me.
Co-worker #2: He's REALLY busy. He says he's gonna throw something at the next person to ask him to do ANYTHING. Have fun with that!
MFA Mama: How about you just drag it REALLY FAST and if anybody asks we'll all say we have NO idea who did it?
Co-worker #2: MUCH better plan!
Co-worker #1: Ummmyeah except there's probably a camera that would capture my face.
Co-worker #2: Riiiight. Crap.
MFA Mama: You both give up too easily. Here's what you do, Co-worker #1, for occasions such as this. You carry a ketchup packet on your person at all times, and if you absolutely MUST drag something heavy across a freshly-polished floor on camera you squirt a little behind each ear and under your chin, make sure the camera gets a GOOD look, and then you call in and you have to sound really BEAT UP and you tell The Boss a masked assailant hit you over the head and STOLE YOUR FACE like in The Silence of The Lambs, and because he has that sense of context he'll believe you. But then you have to disappear for a few weeks, and you can pretty much only use this once.
Co-worker #1: Wow. I... *wanders off looking dazed*
Co-worker #2: You? Are brilliant. I bet she's going to the cafeteria to get a ketchup packet.