* As I've previously mentioned, we have an escape-artist duck. One of the females (presumably the one that's been laying, as we haven't gotten ANY duck eggs since she started escaping!) gets out EVERY SINGLE MORNING. We put her in at night, and in the morning we find her outside the pen quacking and hungry. Probably she's got a secret nest somewhere, but we have no interest in baby ducks and MUCH INTEREST in further delicious duck-egg cakes, so this is pretty obnoxious on her part. Last night we locked all of the ducks into the original MFA Coop, which is a cedar and hardware-cloth enclave that we THOUGHT was unescapable. Apparently not, though, because Houducki pried the sliding door to the nesting-box part the chickens lay in open, hopped up into that, and then made her way into "Genpop" from whence she escaped (somedamnhow; we don't know how she does it and she's the only one, and yes, we DO know that it's the SAME one, because I clipped her head feathers for easy identification). Do you know that it takes at least two people (if they're both adults, and three or more if you're using children as chasers) to catch one escaped duck? Hotter dragged me from my deathbed this morning to help corral our wee quacking convict. "I'd butcher her, but look how cute, with the one crap-flap slapping," I said, holding Houducki up for his inspection as she did her trademark one-foot-waggle. "Plus she's the one who lays. I want more duck-egg cakes!" Hotter said, grudgingly stroking her little cropped head. Then we tossed her back into the pen like that would accomplish anything. I dunno. We've clipped her wings, plugged all visible holes...my next brilliant idea is to saw a length of broom-handle to "lock" the sliding nestbox door. Stay tuned!
* I still haven't seen the male turkey (a.k.a. "Loud and Crazy;" he's named after Hotter's brother) puff up and strut, but Hotter has, and he's also seen Paul the Rooster and Loud and Crazy facing off! And Paul won, despite being on the smaller side even for a chicken! GO PAUL! Hotter said it wasn't actual fighting so much as aggressive posturing and chest-bucking, but I would have liked to see that. Apparently Loud and Crazy went running like a little punk-ass bitch. Haha!
* The four Wyandottes, a.k.a. "the Chic-tacs," appear to be bantams. I say this because they're...not growing. They make up for their tiny stature in pure viciousness, however. NOBODY fucks with the Wyandottes. Not the turkeys, not the Jersey Giants, not Paul, and not even Hotter since one flew up and clawed his leg (drawing BLOOD!). They move around in a black-and-white miniflock like ninjas, flapping and hopping animatedly and exuding a palpable menace. Seriously, they're bad news! Yesterday I clipped their wings so they couldn't pull anymore Matrix-moves on Hotter, and the snarling sounds of fury they produced as I captured them (with great difficulty) and snipped their flight feathers were...well, they were quite something. When it became apparent that they were bantams, I had high hopes of using one or more of them as broody-hens, but...I dunno. They don't seem very maternal. More like they'd eat their young...AND YOURS, TOO!
* Poultry, they're assholes! And their assholery is contagious! Hotter said that either Snooki or JWoww seemed like she wanted to lay, and was trying to get into Genpop and use their nesting boxes (Cell Block C also has a nesting box, but it's not as cushy). I suggested that he add more straw to Cell Block C's nesting box and he said he was going to, and also that he was trying to figure out a way to raise it up "so it'd be more like a tree." I said wild chickens were ground-nesters, he said there WERE no wild chickens, and it was ON! Google tells me that there ARE SO wild chickens--see? The Red Junglefowl, a.k.a. Gallus gallus. TOTALLY different from the domestic chicken (Gallus gallus domesticus). I read all of that out loud to Hotter, smugly. "OMG I'm gonna punch you!" he exclaimed. Some people just HATE TO BE WRONG! Also, I want a Red Junglefowl or three.
* I'm sick and slightly delirious and if it wasn't Sunday I'd go to the doctor. It's THAT BAD. How are all of YOU?