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June 24, 2011


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Mary Dell


Terri C

Blast. I am so sorry. At least your judgment re: the minivan has been validated. Poverty so completely sucks and many people do not understand how the circumstances of being poor foster continuing to be poor. I wonder if Hotter has, somewhere in his mind, the wish that he could work and solve these problems, and if he feels sad or guilty and projects his self-judgment onto you. I wish you didn't feel as if you had to walk on eggshells--that is awful. Do what you must to keep safe but think about whether this relationship dynamic might bear confronting directly. It just sucks every way around.

MFA Mama

Yes, it probably DOES bear confronting directly, but I...just don't have that in me right now. Don't worry about my safety, though, I'm pretty sure I could take Hotter in a street fight. It's one of the things I love the most about him. In a twist of irony I may have to divorce him in order to go back on state assistance and keep everyone fed...although if he keeps THIS up I might do it just for the sheer hell of it :O


Sorry things keep going crappy for you :(

My cousin just got cleared to go back to work 6 months after his heart transplant and he is so happy, he was going nuts at home. Hotter probably has some cabin fever- but it's not fair to take it out on you.


Ok the kids will understand if it is explained to them that you understand they are sad about not seeing you but this is how it is going to be for a little while until things stabilize and it will not be like this forever. And I don't want to jump on the Hating Hotter bandwagon, but he's an adult and should be understanding that himself without having it explained.

MFA Mama

Becca - the kids DO understand it, and I think they were just verbalizing that they wished it didn't have to be this way. I think Hotter is probably going a little bit insane due to his being a de facto single parent while I'm working this crazy-assed schedule. That said, he was a total fucking dick this afternoon and there is NO excuse for that, only explanations. I'm kind of wondering if there isn't something he's not telling me going on with his son or something, because Hotter isn't generally dickish in the least. I almost HOPE there's a missing piece of the puzzle, because if this is just another Friday afternoon and he was spewing that kind of venom we have a real problem...


I get that sometimes when you're just barely hanging on having A Conversation is just one more stressor, & no argument can withstand the scrutiny of the I/net so am not jumping on the HH bandwagon either, but I guess I'm wondering what it is he wants you to DO? Is this just snappiness under the cumulative stress of the last year? I'm sorry it's so sucky right now.


Okay, my two cents: Hotter loves you and misses you. He's been a wonderful stepfather, but he's taking care of someone else's kids. He's scared; your health is going downhill fast, his is iffy, the kids keep getting sick. There's no money and he can't help out financially any more than he does.

He may have been looking forward to an evening alone with his beloved while the XY took the kids. Probably thinking y'all could have some hot fun without worrying about the kids interrupting. And then it all got messed up and he was sad and angry at life and you'd been gone for hours and he could see that there wasn't going to be any canoodling and he just let all his frustrations out in your direction.

I'm so sorry for both of you!


Hugs aplenty.

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