I lost my temper on here earlier. And I'm not proud of that at all. Not because I feel it was unwarranted, exactly, so much as because while I'm guilty of MANY uncharitable thoughts, I don't generally verbalize (or write) those types of things. It's one of my least-favorite things to hear (or read) others do, and I'm a big believer in the whole "criticize someone and it says more about you than it does about them" school of thought.
So what did the events of earlier today say about me? I guess most obviously that I'm jealous of people who appear to be a lot more financially secure than I am (and downright pissy when they still complain about being broke). See also: people with large, loving families (Hotter and the boys are great, but they're all the family I've really got; my dad is still alive as of the last time I checked, but doesn't remember who I am most of the time, so, yeah...I am jealous as hell of people with one or more living parents who are in their lives, people with siblings, people who would automatically have a place to sleep if their house burned down, because yeah, I don't have that). It's also pretty clear I'm jealous of people who get an arse-load more child support than I do (especially if they get it for fewer children and/or children with less expensive physical and mental healthcare needs). Also, I'm jealous as HELL of people who get any kind of help with their expenses, because while my family has in the past, currently we do not qualify thanks to my having gotten a job (although I still make well below the federal poverty line for a family my size...why the heck do they HAVE that thing, anyway?).
It probably also says I'm a shitty feminist for judging another woman's life-choices.
It reflects poorly on the completeness of my understanding of how human nature works, because generally if someone's a dick to you and you're a dick back and are all "how'd THAT feel?" Well, they're not that likely to have second thoughts about having been a dick to you to begin with. If one of my kids was in a situation like that I'd probably tell them to tell the other person how their words or actions made them feel and ask them not to do it, and if the person in question continued to be a jerk then they weren't a good friend for them.
Finally, it says I'm probably feeling defensive about having let my kids keep the damned puppy given that we just finished having a huge freaking crisis over here with Isis's health, which I am, and probably that's because it wasn't a very smart thing to do. I effed up there, y'all, not that it makes it particularly nice for anyone to shove it down my throat after I've indicated that they ought to stop it, but maybe I should just accept that as a natural consequence?
We already all knew I hate the mothereffing holidays like poison.
Hell, I dunno. But I feel pretty lousy over the entire thing, because none of my personal failings or character flaws are y'all's problem and I brought the nasty here, to a place that I generally try to keep positive for all our sake, and for that I'm really sorry.