One of the things G-Money, our family therapist, likes to harp on is how I don't express anger via conventional means and blah blah bad example blah blah communicationFAIL. Some of you regular readers might find this kind of hard to believe, because I do rant a bit now and then, but...okay hold the phone, I just went archive-surfing for examples of rants and angry tirades on here and...wow. Maybe pharmacists just make me hostile?
Anyway, it happened again and ExpressScripts? MORONS. I am required by my insurance plan to fill maintenance prescriptions through them, and not only do they invariably screw up, but they also have THE most BYZANTINE phone tree, and if you get through that (plan for at least twenty minutes there) you get to talk to a bunch of rude, intellectually-deficient mouthbreathers who are more interested in telling you how whatever they've screwed up is all your fault (NO, NOT THIS TIME, NOT EVEN LAST TIME ASSHOLES) than in righting things. Customer service: ur doin it rong.
So yesterday I was on the phone with them trying to find out just where the fuck mah crazy pills were; I take four prescriptions per day and while one of them is a synthetic replacement of a very vital hormone that like, makes your metabolism function and shit, it's the crazy pills I worry most about running out of. Because nobody likes teh crazy and also because if you stop taking this particular kind of crazy pill cold turkey you'll get a wicked blinding headache and (according to the on-call doctor I spoke with one time when my luggage got lost and I had to get things replaced) HAVE A SEIZURE.
I have no interest in experiencing a seizure. I've seen those and they look unfun.
So I placed an order two weeks before I was due to run out of meds, and called yesterday after taking my last crazy pill to find that these idiots had apparently run the wrong card number or something (my best guess since I KNOW that account had money in it, and also that if it did not the bank would have covered the charge and assessed me a hefty fee) and...canceled my order. Which they would now have to re-enter, with the six-day processing time and shipping and...unacceptable. Absolutely unacceptable, not my fault, and I don't have a sense of humor about the seizure thing at ALL, let alone the whole "now you must call eleventy doctors and deal with THEIR phone trees and get a replacement script to purchase out of pocket" angle...which led to my saying to a customer "service" representative yesterday (with my family in the minivan with me, although I was parked, not driving, while having this conversation) "NONONO, STOP TALKING AND GET ME YOUR SUPERVISOR, I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO DESERVES TO HAVE A HEAD!"
"MOMMY! Are you okay? That's pretty...dark...for you!" Big Child exclaimed, clearly trying not to laugh. Hotter just went ahead and busted out laughing.
Yes, honey. I'll be poorer after this is all sorted out, and have the Crazy Eye for the rest of the day, but I'm okay. And for the record? NOBODY at ExpressScripts deserves to have a head.