Two things that are utterly untrue, because no I di'int:
I was going to tell y'all how this morning I realized that oh my goodness, my husband and I have become pet people and I've gone all soft and zen-like. I know this because I woke up to pee off some diuretic at about 6:00 a.m. and rather than go back to bed (the only way I am guaranteed to sleep enough to be functional before the alarm goes off two hours later) I turned the heat on.
Our thermostat allows you to set a minimum temperature if the heat is on or a maximum temperature if the air conditioning is on, and the weather here is bipolar right now. It'll be in the low fifties the night after a low-nineties day and Hotter is a Damn Yankee and of the constitution not to use climate control unless it's truly righteous (it's the Dutch/Lutheran in him, dang it) to do so. This would aggravate me more were I not cheap/green and so the MFA Children all have robes or fuzzy blankets as is age- or developmentally-appropriate and I draw the line at leaving windows open even a crack due to security concerns but it can get a bit chilly of a morning.
Except as Hotter said when he welcomed me back to bed and let me warm my chilly haunches on his body "I'm glad you did that, the two cold-blooded animals and the tropical bird were probably not too happy" and I said "yep, probably they were out there going 'y'all can eat a BIG bag of dicks'" and we giggled a little.
Representative from Hencefore-Unnamed major insurance company whose HMO subsidizes Medicare: Hello, wel--
Representative from other department of Henceforth "H.U.M.&etc.": I have MFA Mama here, she's Hotter Lastname's wife and apparently [truncated for brevity and anonymity]
MFA Mama: Yes but what I am needing YOU to hear is that someone at H.U.M.&etc. has got to take ownership of your collective errors, whether that is you or you have to escalate this further via another warm transfer RIGHT NOW I am going to have to spend two thousand dollars in the next twenty-four hours to either purchase out of pocket drugs H.U.M.&etc. is supposed to cover through a federally-funded healthcare program that my disabled husband needs to survive or else on suing y'all in small claims court, and I know that even an expedited emergency hearing in small claims court wouldn't fix this in time for it to not become a wrongful death suit but that's ten hours of attorney's fees I can spend for my guy to guarantee you reimburse those fees in addition to any eventual settlement because that's one of two prescriptions like that he's going to need and he'll die and I don't have four thousand dollars to save his life now but I do have ten hours of noise I can make if you and I don't rectify this TODAY in a manner so as to allow H.U.M.&etc. to deliver the care and coverage my husband deserves and that your company promises directly, me to save that two thousand dollars for feeding my family, and y'all to save yourselves the headache of letting an administrative foul-up kill my husband, because I will outlive this gaffe on your part and I am the one of us you have to be afraid of since I have a lot of years of anger issues still left in me! [pauses to inhale briefly] Let's both let him live to play good cop another day, shall we?"
So maybe not, maybe not. Hotter and Mr. Family Therapist keep comparing me to Stalin and Mussolini lately and I'm not any happier so I don't know about this whole "embrace your war face and show people the crazy eye without smiling" thing. So far I've gotten as far as the first part but I'm still smiling and probably sounded to that H.U.M.&etc. rep like a cheerleading coach and my husband is avoiding me after having heard the entire exchange. Phooey.