* That totally wasn't me in the grocery store yesterday, if you happened to see a haggard woman pushing a cart and grimly ignoring a tattling eight-year-old, a five-year-old making laps around the cart while spelling curse-words wrong out loud, and a four-year-old shrieking for a gingerbread man. That was someone else, because my children are cheerful and obedient at all times. And if one of my little angels was going to spell a word, they'd spell it right, even if it was one of the seven words forbidden on network television.
* Even if that had been me, I wouldn't have gotten them to stop by whipping out my phone and threatening to text pictures to Santa.
* I did not pretend to be asleep for an extra twenty minutes this morning. If I had heard my older two children loudly shushing my youngest in the hallway and telling him to "be QUIET, we're gonna let Mommy SLEEP so she feels better, you saw how she looked last night!" I wouldn't have stayed in bed grinning for that extra twenty minutes because I always wake up ready to spring forth and greet the new day with vim and vigor, even when I'm sick.
* I also didn't sit down to a breakfast of milk and the peanut-butter cookies we made last night with my children in celebration of having turned in final grades and officially begun my winter break. I would never!