MFA Mama

bullets because I'm beat

*   I added ANOTHER new department to my list of job codes and checkstub lines at work this week, and it involved figuring out how to make waist-length hair play nicely under a paper chef's hat (in case you ever have to do that, the answer turned out to be a VERY high ponytail wound into a bun). This isn't something I'm likely to be doing very often, but I've discovered that once you have a job code for a department, you can usually pick up work there if they are desperate for bodies or someone calls out on a busy day. So that's nice.

*   I also went back to work in the department I quit working in a while back. They fired the two worst workers since I was there last, and it's a much more pleasant environment now in terms of the people I work with there. That's the good news! The bad news is that it's still pretty chaotic and really physically grueling. But it pays well! I don't know, I may well end up quitting it again, but this is something I'm very good at that can be a lot of fun when it goes well.

*   It turns out the culprit in my recent glutenation was a handful of jellybeans I ate at work during a moment of stress when a co-worker offered me the bag. I started to say no thank you but I really like jellybeans and figured there wasn't much chance of there being gluten in them, except no: modified food starch. Which contains gluten. GOD DAMN IT. I learned this when I went to buy myself a bag of the same brand of jellybean at the grocery store and now I'm sad.

*   Because life loves me, right after my last post I came down with pinkeye, although I didn't miss any work because I went to the doctor BETWEEN the shifts of a split double at the first signs of trouble and got some antibiotic drops before my eyes looked bad enough to advertise that I had The Filth. Don't worry, I practiced obsessively good hand hygiene. Like, more so than usual even :)

*   There has been some epic fuckery of the interpersonal variety amongst various parties at work, which has made life unduly interesting in a "DO NOT WANT" kind of way, but I think it's winding down now, so that's good.

*   I am SO tired/broke down/busted-up/burned out. Ten shifts in six days may just be the last stop before my absolute breaking point. I think I need to find myself a foot and ankle specialist, because between Paul on one side and my jacked-up ankle on the other that started hurting mid-February and has only gotten worse, I think I need at least one cortisone shot. But then I might just need to rest for a bit, since one knee and the other hip and my back and everyotherdamnthing is also acting up and it's possible I'm just really fucking worn-out.

*   I was simultaneously outraged and elated to find that the closest feed store was giving away six chicks with any feed purchase, and came home with six "Araucanas." Although I'll be surprised if any of them are rumpless and only one has wee puffy cheek tufts. They'll be cool-looking birds that lay blue and green eggs, though, I'm sure and that is all I really want. Well, that and for Skeeter to quit acting like MFA Birdie's old cage is his personal Easter basket:

Figure One: Although I'm not really sure what I *thought* would happen when I put out a six-pack of nuggets under a warming lamp with a cat in the house. Hence the bars.

*   Pfeffer is pregnant and due tomorrow-ish with what feels like a largish litter that she hopefully won't eat!

*   We're getting bees again! Hideously overpriced package bees from another state, which is everything I don't want in my hives, but all that was available by the time I got my finances to a point of being able to GET bees after Carmageddon. Oh well. They'll be Italians, which are the kind of bees I wanted to try out if local wasn't available, and my boss was gratifyingly cool about it when I told him I'd get a call at some point in a few weeks and have to drop what I was doing and leave immediately to deal with buzzing mail.

*   What's new with all of YOU?

things people have been doing to keep busy while I've been at work

*   Big Child went and got into a fairly prestigious and exciting summer program for the Gifted and Talented that's being held at an area highschool (he'll be in eighth grade next year but apparently his application essay was very compelling!); he will be studying robotics and is super-excited. GO BIG CHILD!

*   Middle Child has been reading a ton. Whenever he mentions a book he really wants to read and can't find in the school library, I buy it for him and send it to his Kindle if the budget allows, because BOOOOOOOKS!

*   Little Child...oh Little Child. When Little Child was a baby I spoiled him. Some of it was by necessity; he spent several months with an NG tube in and couldn't be further from me than arm's reach, and later on after he got his g-tube he was on continuous overnight feeds for a pretty long time, so he slept next to me because he's an active sleeper and I didn't want him to get tangled up on the food-line and pull his tube out or get formula all over himself. Some of it was stuff like letting him keep his pacifier until he was three and generally terrorize the household, because until he was about five no one was sure if he'd live or die, and if my baby was possibly going to die I wasn't going to deprive him of anything his health allowed that he enjoyed. A lot of people asked me what I was going to do if the kid DID get better, because he'd be a rotten little shit, and I always said that I would be delighted to have that problem and wouldn't be bothered. Now? I am having to walk my talk on that one, and that is all I'll say today about Little Child :)

*   Hotter has diagnosed himself via the innernet with Celiac disease, and decided to go gluten-free to see if it helps his ongoing GI woes and extreme difficulty with maintaining enough bodyfat to not shiver all the time and have to wear Big Child's hand-me-downs. I pointed out that his GI doctor had run some blood tests that indicated he did NOT have Celiac disease, but conceded that an intestinal biopsy, which he has NOT had, was the definitive test  and agreed that his going gluten-free for a while was a less-risky proposition than general anesthesia (which disturbs his precarious neurological state in scary ways) and messing with his intestines, which his donor pancreas is attached to, in ANY WAY. So we'll see how that goes I guess.

the flat-Stanley Fuhrer and other tales of ridiculous woe

   Hi there! I have been in kind of a daze lately of too much work and too little sleep, and spending most of my limited free time either gardening or reading smut. I've been feeling kind of "ehhh" about the innernet after the recent reminder that Stalky still lurks about the place, hence the lack of blogging, and had a few nights of nightmares that weren't about Stalky and were, in fact, highly ridiculous, but still extremely disturbing in the moment. Most notably one where I woke up one day to find the mummified corpse of Adolph Hitler smooshed between my mattress and box spring like a pressed flower in Nazi regalia. In that dream, convincing the authorities that I had the flat-Stanley Fuhrer in my house and to come and remove him was a challenge, and nobody else seemed nearly as exercised about the whole thing as I was. Other than that it's just the usual run-of-the-mill anxiety dreams that I have when something's eating at me, with a ridiculous twist here and there.

   Things at work are kind of here and there. The Bastard has taken a leave of absence, which is nice, because it means I'm able to work in the more lucrative department I left to avoid him. Someone else is acting the fool though, which sucks. But hey, it's always SOMEthing in life, and at least my next paycheck will be less pitiful than the last one (we are SO BROKE at the moment).

   I checked Bravo Hive and they died after all. I'm not having much luck in locating more bees at this late (bee-wise) date, and may have to be bee-less for a year.

   I guess maybe I'm a little depressed at the moment, which is no fun, but it could always be worse, right? RIGHT.

read this book

*   Disclosure: that is an affiliate link. Read the book either way if you like contemporary romance, but if you buy it through my link I get a penny or something. I LIKE PENNIES!

strawberries

   I just spent an hour and a half transplanting strawberry suckers from a ten-foot radius around the existing strawberry beds to another raised bed. They were attempting to take over the driveway, aided and abetted by my having mulched the perimeter of the bed, and can not be stopped, THEY CAN NOT BE REASONED WITH. They are on a quest for world domination, and they WILL assimilate you--resistance is futile! Feeling a strange urge to lie in the sun with my toes in the dirt holding hands with my children and drinking gallons of water now...

things that made me do a spit-take today

1. I was browsing The Innernet and saw where people were talking about black-bean and kale brownies. Is this A Thing now? Have any of you tried it? I mean, the black-bean part doesn't bother me. I am down with black-bean baked goods. But...kale? I...want to believe. Because beans + leafy greens + egg = A MEAL. A MEAL MADE OF BROWNIES! But...kale? And then I Googled, and...SWEET BABY JESUS NOT AVOCADO TOO??? Is this a dessert or a damn taco salad?!? I want to try this and like it, but...I'm scared.

2. Someone sent me a picture of Stalky in case I wanted to put a face with the online persona at long last, and my gut reaction was a sick little thrill because I am totally prettier. And then I felt like dogshit, because I am a bad feminist, and also what is wrong with America. Actually, if you put the picture next to my driver's license photo and squint your eyes it's like she's my older, heavier sister with a tragic birthmark and redneck hair. Ewwww...

3. Speaking of bad things on the innernet: Honey Possums. Y'all know I hate possums like poison, but...these things are deceptively cute AT FIRST. See the first photo? Aww. Now scroll down to the third photo. THAT'S ITS LEFT NUT, THEY HAVE HUGE TESTICLES, OMG, AND USE THEM TO PRODUCE THE WORLD'S LARGEST SPERM. Possums: Of The Devil. This confirms it.

4. My boss's boss's boss, doing manly boo-ya things he must have learned during his time in the military, because I got a corporate-trivia question right, which makes our entire department look good. You maybe had to be there, but picture The Head Honcho, Who Is Much-feared, in a suit, doing squats and flexing and yelling...over corporate trivia. And then he brought me gluten-free cookies, which was nice :)

5. This. This is A Thing. I...can't. If you are using your ENTIRE HAND for that, you're doing it wrong and I just...can't.

glutenated

   Poor blog! Becoming a catch-all place for my Spring plantings (Ashley Lettuce in the half whiskey-barrel, incidentally) and now a place to bitch because I've been GLUTENATED! And I have no idea what did it. But I am swollen to the size of a six-month pregnancy and refluxy as HELL! Aloe juice and TUMS are not helping me nearly enough; this blows. How are all of YOU?

Again

The planter to the right is Valerie Lettuce and Daikon Radish.

Sent from The Precious

reminder

When I inevitably forget, someone please remind me that I planted the Rouge d'Hiver lettuces and Cherry Belle radishes in the planter to the LEFT as I walk out my front door, okay?

Sent from The Precious

signs of Spring?

* Now that I'm over the clusterfuck that was the 15th (scroll down, y'all, I can't link from The Precious), I suppose the GOOD news is that if Pfeffer as the older of our two broodrabbits can still have babies, then neither she nor Iden are likely post-menopausal! I'm doubling up on their vitamins then throwing them in with Haas.

* I'm pretty sure Bravo Hive lives! By which I mean there's a crapton of activity around the hive; I have neither seen a queen (no hive incursions since my last update due to weather and work) nor observed any workers bringing in pollen (which would mean that they have brood to feed and hence have had a queen laying recently enough that all is most likely well), but...it's a LOT of bees. So I'm hopeful!

* The MFA Chickens are laying pretty well for a quartet of perihenopausal biddies! We're currently debating how we'll expand the flock to our allotted six; I'd like to add two point-of-lay pullets, or maybe cull the oldest hen and add three new birds. Hotter wants to cull them all and start fresh, but I a) think that'd be wasteful if the older gals are still laying and b) don't want to process four birds unless I have to, because GROSS. So talks are underway, but I'm just so glad we can have chickens at home again!

* I have bought the first seeds for this year's Spring garden.

So it may be dreary and cold, and I may be SLIGHTLY feverish and on my second "lunch" of my second double-shift day in a row, but I'm starting to hope that Spring (the real deal, not the calendar technicality) is on the way!

Sent from The Precious