Court went about as well as it possibly could have. The assault charge against me was dismissed, because even in the dirty South when a woman is being beaten to death the law doesn't punish her for fighting back. The assault charge against Hotter was dismissed because ESPECIALLY in the dirty South a man is allowed to intervene if he walks in on someone beating his wife to death. My attacker took a plea deal and as a first-time offender is doing some probation-y stuff and therapy and whatnot. I don't love that he got off so easy, but The System is geared toward rehabilitation with juvenile offenders and I hope it helps keep this from happening again.
Okay, deep breath.
The person who was kneeling on my chest beating my head against a wall was my oldest son. His psych eval, per my physician who looked it over (I've been called a liar so many times that when I went to her to discuss my anxiety and depression in the wake of the assault I took the police report, ER summary, Emergency Protective Order, and psych eval with me), reveals that he is a sociopath.
The toaster-fire? Not an accident, but rather the third leg of the infamous "serial killer triad" (I always used to say "well but he's never set anything on fire!" Oof).
My ex, of course, is jubilant and showering The Sociopath (as he will now be known, in the manner of his grandmother, The Narcissist) with gifts and accolades at his house (I have not spoken with The Sociopath or seen him outside of court since the assault--he will never live in my home again). This is what happens when you breed with the likes of my ex-husband, I guess.
So he's not actually dead. But he is dead to me. I'm sorry if anyone feels that the limited amount I could say prior to court was untruthful, but saying I lost a son in a violent crime feels pretty damned true. The last bit of what bound me to that deeply troubled and unpleasant person left my body with blood and bits of tooth, and even amid the horror afterward everyone in the house has noticed how much more pleasant our home is without him in it.
Listen to your gut. I told our family therapist nine years ago (not in the kid's hearing, mind you) that the boy gave me the creeps, and had a way of making me feel violated and unsafe (we struggled until he was ten with Why Touching Your Mother's Breasts When She Has Told You You Are Too Old And It Is Not Okay IS NOT OKAY). At the time he was all "let's unpack those feelings that might make you say that about your own son" but I was right to be alarmed. If you're scared of your own kid, if they make you feel unsafe, you might not be wrong to feel that way.
Please don't send me information on potentially-helpful therapies for violent teens, support groups for parents of children with conduct disorders, or anything like that. The kid was SMILING as he tried to kill me. It made him happy. I can't do anything with that except for try to maintain a safe distance. If you have a kid with similar issues and are handling it differently, I am not criticizing you. Please extend me that same courtesy. Thank you.
